Here's The Craziest Story You'll Hear All Day: Married Couples Threesome With A Homeless Man Goes Awry During A Post-Sex Hamburger Taste Test
BAY CITY, MI — A Bay City man is charged with a 10-year felony due to police alleging he attacked another man that he and his wife had invited into their home and with whom they had engaged in sexual acts. About 11:44 p.m. on Friday, Sept. 12, police were sent to the McLaren Bay Region hospital emergency room after a patient there said he had just been assaulted. The patient, 20-year-old Michael A. Chaney, told officers he is homeless and had been living with Martin R. Miller, 30, and his wife, Daniela D. Miller, 24, at their Bay City residence for about a week, court records show. “Martin became jealous after we had a threesome because Daniela started to distance herself from him,” Chaney said. Earlier in the evening of Sept. 12, Chaney was cooking hamburger meat while the Millers were in a bathroom, they said. Chaney brought a spoonful of meat into the bathroom to have them taste-test it, but Martin Miller threw the meat into the tub in which his wife bathed, both Chaney and Daniela Miller told police. Chaney brought a second spoonful of meat, and Martin Miller again tossed it into the tub water, the witnesses told police. Chaney told Miller to stop wasting food and walked into another room. Martin Miller followed him and threatened to beat him up, Chaney said. Chaney told Miller to go ahead, at which point Miller kicked him in the chest, pushed his wife out of the way and choked Chaney, both Chaney and Daniela Miller told police. Chaney said Miller told him he was going to kill him, then he blacked out. When he awoke, he and Daniela Miller walked to the hospital, they said. Miller told police he asked his wife why she always takes Chaney’s side in a dispute. He also said that Chaney called his bluff when he threatened to beat him up.
What’s the lesson we all just learned? Don’t have threesomes with a chick you care about. There are way too many variables at play. What if your dick touches his and you become gay? What if his sweat gets on you? What if you make eye contact? What if he’s got a bigger dick? What if he’s homeless and gives your wife that good dick, she starts falling in love with him more than you and he edges you out in the household? It’s a no win. Every guy wants his girl to be more adventurous in the sack but when you’re trolling Main St looking for a homeless bum to fuck, maybe pop a governor on her. Nothing compromises the relationship like a homeless dude feeding your wife hamburg meat while she’s in the tub.
PS – Another thing to never do: do not waste food in front of a homeless man by throwing it into a bathtub. You have to know that’s gonna set him off.