Grading the Newest Sex Scandal Teacher


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TexasA former Texas middle school teacher who said she became pregnant after having sex with a 13-year-old student “on almost a daily basis” pleaded guilty this week in a plea-bargain deal.

Alexandria Vera, 24 …  met the student during summer school last year. The two started flirting, and by September, they exchanged phone numbers. The student asked Vera if they could hang out. Vera allegedly drove over to his house and picked him up, and they drove around and kissed. The very next day, Vera went back over to the teen’s house when his parents weren’t home and they had sex. …

Vera says that she met the boy’s parents at the school’s open house in October. Then, she went over to his house and was introduced as his girlfriend. The parents were allegedly “accepting of their relationship,” even inviting her to family gatherings. …

The student would allegedly sleep at her house and then she’d drive him back home in the morning so he could catch the bus to school.

In January of this year Vera became pregnant. She allegedly told the teen’s family about the pregnancy, and they were “supportive and excited” about the baby.

However, Vera claims she ended up having an abortion after CPS unexpectedly showed up at school in February to question her about the relationship.

It’s a tradition unlike any other. Insane, sex-crazed grown women throwing their careers, their educations and their lives away in order to close up the hole in their hearts that can only be filled by clumsy sex with one of their teenage students.

In the time I’ve been away I’ve never once had a conversation about Barstool without someone telling me they wish I was still writing these blogs. I actually did post one on my WEEI page. But after the Boston Globe came asking about it, it became the only blog I ever wrote for them to get spiked. Apparently there are people out there who consider a story like Alexandria Vera’s to be kind of “rapey.” I actually had someone just last week ask me what I’d think if a male teacher seduced a female student and I had to remind the guy that there is no greater defender of the Double Standard than me. Show me a 24-year-0ld man who impregnates a 13-year-old and I’ll feed him to the dogs myself.

But as for our girl Alexandria? Well, how you feel about her is between you and your God. I don’t judge. I just grade. And for too long now, these SSTs have been laboring in obscurity. Let’s end that right frigging now.

The Grades:
Looks:
Somewhere between the way overdone makeup in that way over contrasted self (there is no way she doesn’t have at least four of those with Snapchat cartoon dog faces) and the unflattering mugshot I feel is a fairly attractive woman. Maybe a little big, judging by the courtroom photos in the article. But OK. A Boston 6. But a sexually deranged Texas middle school English teacher 9. I’m in a great mood so I’m going to give her a solid Grade: B-.

Moral Compass/Bad Judgment: I don’t know what any teacher could do to score higher. Daily sex. Coming clean with the lad’s parents. Actually getting them to treat her like a normal girlfriend. Not to mention the kind of commitment that can only come from getting knocked up. A lesser SST would have made the kid double- or triple-wrap, just to maybe get his endurance up to eight seconds or so. But not Ms. Vera. That kind of hustle and want-to can only be rewarded with Grade: A.

Intangibles: What can you say about her timing? The very day before I’m ready to relaunch this feature, Alexandria hands me this gift on a platinum platter. This is is how you plant your flag and announce your presence with authority. I don’t think I’ve ever felt more welcome at any time in my life. Grade: A.

Overall: B. I could have gone higher. But it’s like being the first couple on “Dancing With the Stars.” You’re going to be scored lower because the judges want to leave some room for the contestants coming after you. But a great welcome back nevertheless.

Do you have someone you want to see graded? Tweet her to me @jerrythornton1 with #SexScandalTeacher. And be sure to include photos and a link or it’s of no use. Your service to the betterment of mankind will be its own reward.

 

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