Grading the Newest Sex Scandal Teacher
In a world where YOU can be anything… Be a Sex Scandal Teacher.
Pennsylvania – Authorities allege that a Wyoming Valley West High School English teacher had sex with a male student in her car. Lauren Harrington-Cooper, 31, of Winola Avenue, Kingston, was charged Thursday with institutional sexual assault… According to a criminal complaint, the student’s parents… found he was using a free texting website called Pinger. When reviewing the messages, the parents discovered their son was having a sexually explicit conversation with a teacher. In the text messages, the teacher is identified as Lauren, having Crohn’s disease, being a vegetarian and teaching eighth period in Room 401, which led school administration to identify the teacher as Harrington-Cooper… According to the victim, his sister told him that Harrington-Cooper texted her that her brother was “hot.” He said he got Harrington-Cooper’s cellphone number from his sister and later that day started texting her and they agreed to “hang out.” The victim told police Harrington-Cooper would pick him up either around the corner from his house or in front of his house and that she performed oral sex on him three times and that they had intercourse twice… She told police she began texting with the victim on Dec. 13 and knew he was a senior in high school. Police said she admitted to having intercourse with the victim on two occasions and performing oral sex on him at least once, all of which occurred in her vehicle. Harrington-Cooper is a lunch monitor during the victim’s lunch period.
Dammit, Lauren Harrington-Cooper! Can’t a guy just relax around the holidays? Do you think these end of the year Sex Scandal Teacher Starting Lineups write themselves? I mean, I appreciate the effort and all. But here I was, thinking I had my lineup all set, and you come along at the last minute with a story like this and make me change over my entire roster. There’s no way a teacher as hot as you and a story this good isn’t going to make the team and now I’ve got all sorts of more work to do. This is what it’s like doing the Patriots postgame show this year. You think you know what the story of the game will be and you get your notes all ready and know what you’re going to say, then at the last minute they flip the script and you’ve got to start all over with a whole knew take. Again, this is great that you’ve made the 2013 Lineup that much stronger, but where was this in October or November when I wasn’t so busy? But I shouldn’t complain. When you’re the world’s leading grader of Sex Scandal Teachers, you have certain responsibilities and there’s no time to rest. The sun never sets on the GtNSST empire.
Looks: One word: Wheelhouse. Several more words: Lauren is my kind of MILF. Brunette. DSLs. 1.21 jigowatt smile. A body (to steal a phrase from Frank Drebin) that could melt a cheese sandwich in your pocket from across the room. She’s like a younger, hotter, pre-Tom Cruise Mimi Rogers. The total package. Grade: A
Moral Compass/Bad Judgment: This story has everything. LHC spotting the kid in the cafeteria. His sister pimping for him. Sext messages. BJs in the car. Banging in the car. And best of all, an admission. I’d return every gift under my Christmas tree unopened for the DVD of the interview where she told the cops all about the car sex. Grade: A
Intangibles: I have never heard of Pinger. And why would anyone have? What’s the point of using that unless you’re the only high school senior in America without your own unlimited text data plan? Anyway, I have heard of Pinterest, and so has my girl Lauren Harrington-Cooper, who goes by the name Zumbamami (it shows). She’d like her friends to know she loves Halloween, desserts and Christmas. Though she hasn’t posted anything about her P-interest in blowing teenagers in her car. Grade: A
Overall: Easy A. See you in a couple of weeks, LHC.
[Big thanks to @Walton6Beast and @Wiltzmania] Have information about a hot female teacher having sex with her students? Preferably with pictures? Help make the world safe for Teacher Sex Scandals by Tweeting me @jerrythornton1.