Grading the Newest Sex Scandal Teacher

Behind bars: Former elementary school teacher Malia Brooks, 32, has been charged with performing sex acts on a student aged under 14 at her California school

Other life: Brooks' attorney on Wednesday said that his client was suffering from a mental illness

Shock: Malia Brooks (left) pictured at family gathering with what is believed to be her two young children

CaliforniaA former elementary school teacher in Simi Valley pleaded not guilty Wednesday to charges related to an alleged sexual relationship with a student under age 14. The arrest of Malia Brooks, 32, was announced by the Simi Valley Police Department on Tuesday evening. She had been a sixth-grade teacher at Garden Grove Elementary School… Outside the courtroom, her attorney, Ron Bamieh, said Brooks “has suffered from a mental illness.” “We’ve had her diagnosed and she’s in treatment,” Bamieh said. “My guess is a lot of the charges precipitated from that illness.” Brooks was charged with one count of a lewd act upon a child, one count of oral copulation of a person under 14, and three counts of genital penetration by a foreign object with a person under 14 years of age when the suspect is more than 10 years older than the victim… One parent who had a child in Brooks’ class called her a “phenomenal person.”

I think Teacher Sex Scandal aficionados worldwide can read this story and see in an instant it all boils down to one issue:  “Genital penetration by a foreign object.” It’s all about the tricky legal question of what that is. Lewd acts and oral copulation between a teacher and her student are the bread & butter of SSTs and therefore we can stipulate to those.  This whole case boils down to the questions of who got the object and where they took it.  If it was Malia shoving something up the kid’s ass, there’s not a punishment too harsh or a prison sentence too long.  If she had the young lad work her over with a rubber dong or something, then I think we can all agree with that parent who called her a “a phenomenal person.”

The Grades:
Looks: 
She is so close to being one of the solid ones.  Clean her up quite a bit and she could be a low, low-rent version of Julie Benz from “Dexter.”  But the gingery freckle thing is working against her.  And those mommy jorts don’t help one damned bit.  Still, you’d do it.  Grade: C+
Moral Compass/Bad Judgment:
Attorney Bamieh can knock it off with the “mental illness” angle.  It’s been tried before and failed.  When a 32 year old teacher is giving head to an underage student, she’s suffering from a condition known as “horniness.”  Grade: A
Intangibles:
Seamy Valley. Grade: B
Overall:
  If she took “the foreign object,” a solid B.  If the poor kid did, D.
[Thanks to @McHugh and @Sully] Have information about a hot female teacher having sex with her students? Preferably with pictures? Help make the world safe for Teacher Sex Scandals by Tweeting me @jerrythornton1.

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