Mirror- A drug dealer allowed home from jail with an electronic tag is back behind bars after police discovered he had flown the coop by fixing his monitor to a rooster while he went out to sell sell cocaine. Accused Isaac Selau, 29, was caught when police found him selling drugs in Porto Alegre, in Brazil’s Rio Grande do Sul state when he should have been at home. Police spokesman Murilo Araujo said: “When we searched his home we found a rooster in a cage with his electronic tag around its neck. “The rooster was freed of the tag, and now Selau is back behind bars.” Officers say they also found cocaine, cannabis, scales and a handgun. The local state’s home curfew head Cesar Moreira said: “We are carrying out an enquiry to see how this happened.”
This guy just wants to sell drugs god damn it. That’s all. He can’t stop selling drugs. It’s his passion. I kinda feel bad for him if we’re being honest. It’s hard not to when somebody loves to do something that’s illegal. I’m lucky enough to have passions for over consuming things like Chinese food, coffee and porn. Those things are legal and I’m able to readily get my hands on each thing at any second of every day. But not the guy in this story. He’s passionate about supplying drugs to his neighbors and other people in his city. He’s so passionate about doing it that he’s willing to get arrested for selling drugs, be released from prsion under the promise that he won’t sell drugs again and then turn right around, put his electronic tracking bracelet around the neck of a rooster and start selling drugs again. That’s commitment. Let’s say the government made Chinese food, coffee and porn illegal. First of all, that’d be hell on Earth. I’d just cry and be horny 24 hours a day (not all that different from now). Second, I’d probably just stop doing each of those things because the last place I want to be prison. Prison looks like literally the worst place in the world. The only thing worse than a place with no Chinese food, coffee or porn is prison. And so I’d stop. Which means this drug dealer has more passion than I do. So I say keep it up. Fuck it. Strap that tracking bracelet around that rooster’s neck and go sell some drugs.