Do These Look Like the Faces of Guys Who Shoplifted at a NH Liquor Store and Make Their Getaway on a Tandem Bike?
MANCHESTER – Two men accused of stealing liquor from the state liquor store, one of them allegedly placing a bottle of Kahlua down his pants, tried to pedal their way to freedom on a bicycle built for two but were quickly captured, police said… One man was recorded on surveillance putting a $20 bottle of Kahlua down his pants, while another was seen putting a $1.99 bottle of Courvoisier into a pocket of his pants. A witness followed the men out of the store and saw them get onto a tandem bicycle and pedal away. The witness told Officer Neal Penttinen, who was working a detail nearby, about the theft and he spotted the bicycle heading down an alley. He pointed patrol officer Walter Feldhouse in the direction where the men had gone, and Feldhouse caught up and arrested the pair, identified as Jonathan LaVoie, 32, of 42 School St., and Jay Bingel, 33, of 118 Third St., both of Manchester.
I’d assumed that Aaron Hernandez would retire the trophy as the Worst Criminal Ever, but his reign only lasted two weeks because he’s definitely been dethroned by our boys Jonathan and Jay here. I mean, did these guys learn nothing from AHern about how to pull off a crime? I don’t care if you’re committing a homicide or stealing a nip bottle of cognac, you can’t half ass it. These things take planning. You’ve got to figure all the angles, prepare for contingencies and have an escape mapped out. What was the plan for these jabronies? To blend into the crowd of all the other crewcutted guys in Afflictions shirts riding tandem bikes down that alley? Stealing booze used to be a noble calling. It was done by real men, who drove muscle cars or motorcycles and took pride in their work. Now it’s just guys with effeminate tastes in liquor making the gheyest getaway ever devised. Christ, I’ll bet you anything they were riding with the seats removed. It’s a sad day in America. A sad day, indeed. (Thanks to Eric K) @JerryThornton1