1%ers Are Paying Handicapped Guides at Disney World So They Can Cut Line

NY Post - They are 1 percenters who are 100 percent despicable. Some wealthy Manhattan moms have figured out a way to cut the long lines at Disney World — by hiring disabled people to pose as family members so they and their kids can jump to the front, The Post has learned. The “black-market Disney guides” run $130 an hour, or $1,040 for an eight-hour day. “My daughter waited one minute to get on ‘It’s a Small World’ — the other kids had to wait 2 1/2 hours,” crowed one mom, who hired a disabled guide through Dream Tours Florida. “You can’t go to Disney without a tour concierge,’’ she sniffed. “This is how the 1 percent does Disney.” The woman said she hired a Dream Tours guide to escort her, her husband and their 1-year-old son and 5-year-old daughter through the park in a motorized scooter with a “handicapped” sign on it. The group was sent straight to an auxiliary entrance at the front of each attraction. Disney allows each guest who needs a wheelchair or motorized scooter to bring up to six guests to a “more convenient entrance.” The Florida entertainment mecca warns that there “may be a waiting period before boarding.” But the consensus among upper-crust moms who have used the illicit handicap tactic is that the trick is well worth the cost.

I guess I should hate these 1%ers but I can’t bring myself to.  I have to admit I admire their game.  I mean, what’s the point of having Fuck You Money if you can’t use it to say “Fuck you, I’m paying a handicapped guy to help me cut you in line at Disney”?  Believe me, if I could afford a black market cripple, I would.  When I go to Disney, I have to rely on my wits.  Do my homework.  Spend months studying park maps and sleepless nights drawing up schedules to beat the crowd.  I put more planning into a Disney trip than the Allies did the assault on Normandy.  I do all this because I have to.  Otherwise I’m the jamoke waiting 2 1/2 hours for “It’s a Small World.”  And even with all that planning, I still I get cut by the wheelchair crowd.  As I’ve said before, I don’t mind so much if they’re legit handicapped.  It’s the Handifats in their Hover Rounds jumping the line because they’re too lazy to drop a few pounds that I resent. And the fakers (there are urban legends of families taking turns in the wheelchair and cutting line at every ride and supposedly paralyzed kids hopping out of their chairs to go climb the Swiss Family Robinson Treehouse), who deserve the hottest place in Hell.  But some socialite spending her rich husband’s money on a Rent-a-Cripple to make her vacation better?  That’s just capitalism in its purest form.  Sure I’m jealous. But these broads were spreading their legs for some millionaire while my Irish Rose and I were marrying for love.  And to the victors go the spoils.  @JerryThornton1