Crumple or Fold

[BS1]

I had to go back and read it twice because I was laughing so hard the first time around...

there is ALWAYS need for at least one wipe..no matter what...The "one wipers" are the best though

[MCA]

Even on a clean break, there's always a token half-wipe, but a true shitter knows when one's really necessary or not.

Worst pewp of my life:

Strip club in Dallas...mid-lap dance in a booth that was probably the 5th or 6th consecutive song so the mileage was starting to really get strong....the 24 oz Ribeye, creamed spinach and sauteed mushrooms hit the system.

Handed her another $40 to not go anywhere, told her I'd be back as soon as possible.

No door on the stall.

True story.

[BS1]

no door on the stall = aids

My High School was like that... I don't think I ever pewp'd in my HS...ever
I also don't pewp in bar restrooms. I will drive back to my place, a buddies place, hell, I even stopped at my mothers place once.

[random internet username]

the pewp talk has been phenominal folks. if i may be so bold

i adhere to the three square two finger one thumb approach.

i fold three sheets of toilet paper, one on top of the other, with the final fold a tad off center, for pewp guarding, dont want to get pew on my skin. i hold this folded paper in my left hand for transfer to my right, and grab gently with my right middle, pointer, and thumb, sliding my thumb to rest on the knuckle of my ring finger.

i am a front to back wiper. i use the three sheet fold for one wipe, review my masterpiece as if it were made by jackson pollack himself, fold the paper in half and put it to bed. i repeat until the paper comes up clean. final wipe after cleanliness being a two fold touch up. for that i use all four fingers thumb by the palm. dispose, flush bingo bango done.

i always prep the seat unless at home which i will occassionaly prep as well. if a stranger approaches i shuffle about a bit but dont take it to the level of jingling a belt. i typically exit the stall after all others have left the area, as to avoid the eye to eye no one likes the eye to eye exit.

if i courtesy flush at work i raise up ever so slightly to avoid the three droplet splash i have noticed occurs on the bathroom i most frequent.

[Mk]

I've heard people talk about back to front wiping, but I've never actually heard anyone admit that's what they do.

It's like the Kaiser Soze of wiping technique.

Also it's been said but bears repeating if you're in a public place the procedure is wipe the seat, flush the tp, cover the seat if necessary, proceed to the business.

edit: LOL at mark adding to his post while I'm typing mine to make it the perfect pewp post.

[TheKiecker]

Front to back? Are you a sidewinder? A leaner?

If your going between the legs front to back you arent wiping your ass, you're pushing it.

[random internet username]

i've experimented with the back to front in my day and find its to close to admitting you dig yourself clean. front to back requires a subtle forward lean a gentle force and the right left to right angled approach. i'm a side entry guy i dont reach between the legs as I fear a possible wet landing. To ensure proper level of cleanliness one must occassionally employee what i call the tornado. i could really talk pew all day.

edit: the occassional between the leg entrance is employees but involves a right leg lift via the arching of the right foot coupled with a strong right to left lean.

[vtexposfan]

Worst pewp of my life:

Strip club in Dallas...mid-lap dance in a booth that was probably the 5th or 6th consecutive song so the mileage was starting to really get strong....the 24 oz Ribeye, creamed spinach and sauteed mushrooms hit the system.

Handed her another $40 to not go anywhere, told her I'd be back as soon as possible.

No door on the stall.

True story.

Gee, where I have I heard this story with these specific details before?

[The Crosby Show]

Mark plays chess in the pewp threads. We are all playing checkers.

[TheKiecker]

As JT would say this is a low hanging fruit for , mark.

[vtexposfan]

I also don't pewp in bar restrooms.

Mr. Mike's in Burlington...worst men's room ever. Last time I was there, the toilet had no seat. There was also no TP dispenser, which meant there was no roll, since the toilet has no tank on which to place one. I shit you not.

Thank the Good Lord Jesus Christ that the Shell across the street is open late. I've taken many a bowel movement in there.

[random internet username]

vtexpos makes a strong point about the occassional clinger. it really does wreak havock to the process.

[Giggles]

This page has taken the conversation to a new level in PewTok. This is simply amazing.


Lately I've been noticing that there is a stealth pooper in my office midst. Three times in the last 2 weeks I have Orange-Lined it for the handicapped stall (as it is palatial compared to the alternate stall which affords little room for maneuvering) and WHAM I walk right into the stall door, which is locked. You people have to make at least a sniffle or a deliberate TP roll manipulation when someone enters the restroom, lest they crash into the door. I depend on this, as I can not bring myself to peep feet for fear that someone will enter the bathroom behind me and label me as a peeper.

[TheKiecker]

Most stall door hinges are beveled, so they are either open(ajar) or latched. I wont point out your idiocy.

[random internet username]

i am with the kiecker on this one. if i see a door that would appear to be lined up and locked i exit the restroom, first standing at the urinal for a seven second fake piss, flush, fake wash and leave. if the door is ajar i enter calmly and do my work. giggles you are an aggressive pewper and if you pewped where i pewed i would be scared of your over enthusiasm.