Today In Psycho Coordinators...Oregon State OC Drinks 18 Diet Cokes A Day

CORVALLIS — In Dave Baldwin’s office sits a custom Coca-Cola mini fridge, which can conveniently be stuffed with 16 cans of Diet Coke.

It was a gift from the soda company itself, after representatives in Colorado caught wind of the first-year Oregon State offensive coordinator’s little habit. Baldwin will gulp back 16-18 cans of Diet Coke per day, sometimes even awaking in the middle of the night to grab a refreshing swig.

“Every man has a vice, and if he doesn’t, then he’s lying to you,” Baldwin said. “And this is my vice.”

This addiction started as a child because Baldwin’s father was diabetic, and has continued at its current staggering rate for the past two decades. Those sodas have fueled Baldwin through a lengthy coaching career that spans 37 seasons and stops at 10 major college programs.

Now, the energetic Baldwin is buzzing and barking around OSU’s practice field, tasked with revamping the Beavers’ offense and developing a crop of freshman quarterbacks as part of Gary Andersen’s new coaching staff.

“I don’t mind being the old guy,” Baldwin said recently. “I’m young at heart. You watch me on the field, they will have to keep up with me.”

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So what have we learned during the Barstool U era? A handful of things I think, but right at the top of the list – college football coaches are fucking insane. And there’s a clear hierarchy of psychoses:

Head Coach: Crazy at heart and behind closed doors, expert at hiding it in public and for the media. Some not as well as others.

Take a guy like Urban Meyer – always completely put together, presents the face of a tough but composed football coach, but you will never be able to convince me he doesn’t spend at least 1 night a month cruising around the streets late at night stabbing homeless people*.

Assistant Coaches/Coordinators: Insane, but for the most part pretty good at holding it in, grooming themselves for their eventual transition to head coaches and upcoming job offers. Still, plenty slip through the cracks:

-Clemson DC yesterday-

-Oregon State OC drinking 18 freaking Diet Cokes a day

Seriously do you know how many grams of sugar that is? All that aspartame and saccharin? Not to mention all the damage you’re doing to your tooth enamel. Once that’s gone it’s gone man, my dentist just taught me that 6 months ago.

And, of course:

Strength and Conditioning Coaches: Certifiable. If they didn’t have the protection of their jobs they’d be instituted in the nearest asylum for a mandatory period of 8-10 years.

Simply the best.

*For our lawyers, I am saying this “allegedly,” not as fact. Urban Meyer “allegedly” cruises around late at night stabbing homeless people in dark alleys.