This Guy Masturbating In A Store To A PS4 Is Genuinely One Of The Most Confusing Videos I've Ever Seen

This past weekend I spent a lot of time watching that new Aziz Ansari Netflix show Master of None and really think it’s one of the best shows to have come out in years with how accurately it nails adult life in a big city today. The plot of one episode centers around a public masturbator and, no spoilers, it’s genuinely great because it’s funny, insane, and somehow ends up making you sympathize a little with a public masturbator. Moreso a testament to a show that excels at making other people’s viewpoints relatable but watching that this weekend then seeing this go viral this morning seems like a sign that I shouldn’t ignore. Maybe I’ve been too cruel to public masturbators even though I don’t understand what drives them. Like it’s not even as if this was some GTA sex scene, it’s literally just a PS4 on pause. But what if the lone things you were into sexually were as weird as this and could only be able to be fulfilled in awkward and very public ways? Perhaps I should keep a more open mind to the desires of a guy who, out of all the things he can get off to in the world, can only get off to a PS4 in the middle of a shitty Russian electronics store.

So in the interest of that, here’s a ranking of the electronic connected devices I own and am currently looking at that I suppose I could theoretically find the most sexy:

3) Nintendo WiiU

It’s a smallish device but pretty slick curves, sort of like a petite chick with a nice body. That said, the WiiU is one of the worst purchases I’ve ever made. I like two things on Wii: Wii Bowling and occasionally playing Mario Kart. I bought Mario Kart on disc only for it not to work after a day, then tried the digital download only for the Wii to fuck up the download and somehow run out of storage space in the process. Stupid stupid technology. The WiiU is fine and all but bitch not worth all the drama.

2) Xbox One

The Xbox One is a big part of my life. It has to connect to your cable so you’re using it all the time and you can talk to it to change channels which is great because I am physically incapable of remembering channel numbers. It’s got a much bigger body than the Wii but as far as game console shapes go, I feel like that’s more of a “Damn girl you thick in all the right spots” kinda situation. The style is a little too “Looks like what a 12-year-old who rides BMX would think is cool” but you give me that emotional fulfillment component and all that junk in the trunk and I could see plugging the HDMI port.

1) Apple Time Capsule

Tall, white, and provides me with ways to drop loads literally every single day thanks to the awesome power of the Internet. Sure she’s a little shapeless but if we’re comparing her to that dumpy Xbox One or even that small and childlike build of the WiiU, it’s still a home run. And all those ports, look at them there, begging to be filled by whatever male or female connector you’ve got. A true specimen all-around. Understanding others has never felt so good.

(h/t HelloU)