This Girl's Group Message Breakup Text Is The Most Savage Yet Efficient Move I've Seen

We all know how I love a good viral text message, one of my known breed traits, but with now over three years here I have to say I’ve never seen anything quite as savage as this chick’s text. There’s an old adage people throw out along the lines of “Whatever you’re doing to her, she’s doing to you” and a lot of guys, myself including, can sometimes think a chick is only seeing you. But think about a chick’s closet or shoe rack or how impossible it is to order Seamless with her, it’s all about one thing: Options. And even if you think you’re doing right by a girl (and/or doing a girl right), being the best version of yourself, and enjoying the experience, until you lock it down it’s not locked down and you’re one group text away with five other dudes getting dumped even though you weren’t really dating and left wondering what the fuck happened. For as great as the winning dude must feel — assuming he even knows he beat a starting five of other dudes in a Hunger Games for this chick’s snizz with his bold “show up at work to win her back before her lunch break ends” move — the guys getting the text have a right to feel just as jilted.

At the same time though, what a wild group text this could be. I don’t see how all these dudes don’t immediately reply and start roasting the girl, maybe exchanging nudes (this is illegal don’t do it but you could totally see it happen in this setting) and destroying her whole life while she deeply regrets setting up this situation. She basically set up that John Tucker Must Die movie for the guys without them even having to do a bit of effort figuring her out and can focus solely on the revenge part. Risky move.

But for as much as you may hate this chick, I do admire her not even keeping up any pretenses. “Here are all you motherfuckers lined up in a room, you all lost, and I’m picking some other dude.” It’s like the take-home version of The Bachelor and for free!

PS Coincidentally tonight at 9PM on the Barstool Sports Facebook Live, Smitty, Alyssa Rose and I are doing a Swipe Drunk Love episode on “Competing for Love” with Lacey Mark from The Bachelor. Group text all the girls you’re casually dating and tell them to come by and watch.