The New Barstool Sports Employee Handbook Is Problematic

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So we got this email from Nardini this morning. Just a casual hey guys how’s it going great job this week oh by the way if you wouldn’t mind just signing this document real quick for me and sending it back that would be great thanks!

Being here for so long she probably figured (correctly) that everyone would just blindly sign it and go right back to dicking around on the internet or podcasting or filming or playing with the office chinchilla.  That nobody would actually look at the form because it’s like 60 pages long and we don’t really “read words” around here.

But what the big wigs didn’t account for is how woke your boy Kmarko is.  Oh no no no Corporate.  You’re not sneaking an employee handbook by me, not without me reading every single word.  And thank God I did because this has got to be the most outrageous list of “guidelines” (rules) ever assembled.

 

Some of the low-lights:

 

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Fully on board with alcohol and drug testing where if you don’t register positive with at least one you get fired.  Good way to weed out the dorks.

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Live look at Adderall Dave reading section 4 subsection A article IV about prescribed meds:

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What’s next, banning the club on a Tuesday night?

 

 

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No gambling or horseplay:

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Do we shut Pardon My Take down now?  How’s that work?

 

 

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Breaking this rule right now by writing this blog.  Feels good to be the bad boy.

 

 

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I found this section to be especially problematic.   As Editor-In-Chief I strongly feel that a crackdown on posting blogs will inhibit the performance of our blog.

 

 

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What the fuck is the point of having interns if you can’t discriminate and harass them?

 

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Hard no on this one.   Club Cool has to get to Kanye concerts somehow.

 

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Expecting a bunch of bloggers to be well-groomed, clean, and dressed appropriately is maybe the most outrageous thing on the entire document.

 

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Ok honestly this one I can definitely get down with.   Hear that Feitelberg you messy motherfucker?

 

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This is my promise to you – not one single Barstool employee will step foot in this office sober for the rest of the week.  The defiance starts now.

 

So, sorry corporate. Nice try. Got to wake up prettttttty early in the morning to sneak a contract saying I can’t get drunk at my desk wearing sweatpants and engage in horseplay with my friends while verbally harassing Nate about his shirt and Francis about his fake cancer past me.

Pirate ships don’t do employee handbooks.
 

Barstool Sports: 1

The Man: 0.

 

 

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