Barstool Sports

BT - A high-ranking umpire on the US tennis circuit has been arrested on charges she fatally bludgeoned her 80-year-old husband with a coffee mug, then tried to make it look like he took a deadly tumble down the stairs of their Los Angeles home. Lois Ann Goodman, 70, was taken into custody at a hotel in New York, where she was preparing to work at the US Open tennis tournament. Goodman has worked as an umpire for decades, officiating matches of some of the sport’s top players. She bludgeoned him to death with a coffee mug. She initially told police that her husband, Alan Frederick Goodman, took a fatal fall on April 17 down the stairs of their home, police said. But Los Angeles County prosecutors say Alan Goodman met a far more gruesome end at the hands of his spouse. Advertisement “She bludgeoned him to death with a coffee mug,” said Jane Robison, a district attorney’s spokeswoman.

How big of a fuckin prick do you have to be for your wife to murder you when you’re 80 years old?  I always wonder that when we get stories like this.  Old people murdering old people.   Like she hates you so much she can’t even wait like 6 months-5 years for you to die.  Hates you so much she’ll finish her morning cup of joe then smash the mug into your brain 50 times and go to jail for the rest of her life even though you’re hours to days away from peacing out from natural causes anyway.    Talk about a shitty feeling.  Well two shitty feelings.  The fact that you’re a gigantic asshole and the death by bludgeoning.

Anyway tough break for the US Open.  Any time you lose a 70 year old elderly woman making snap judgement calls on 140 mph serves and volleys that require eagle-eye precision you’re kind of put in a tough spot.