Barstool Sports

Pitt - Dozens of bomb threats at the University of Pittsburgh, including at least four on Monday, have made professors start holding classes outside and forced security officials to put in new building access measures and offer a $50,000 reward for information. The threats began in mid-February, at first targeting a landmark building at the center of campus. But in recent weeks numerous buildings have been threatened. Four threats had been made by mid-afternoon Monday, starting at about 4 a.m. University police, the FBI and the U.S. Secret Service have said they have a person of interest in the investigation. Authorities say some of the threats have been traced to or through computers in Austria, but nobody has been charged with making them. The threats have caused some professors to move classes outdoors or offer them online and have led some students to stay off-campus. The university, located a few miles from downtown Pittsburgh, has about 3,800 full-time faculty members who serve 34,000 students.

I don’t want to minimize the seriousness of the situation, and if it turns out a bomb actually goes off I’ll be the first person to say “My bad,” but how many times does someone have to fail to deliver before they stop getting taken seriously? It’s like those crazy assholes that say the world is going to end every three months because they totally misinterpreted what the Bible said but definitely got it right this time. Bomb threats aren’t exactly something you just ignore, but realistically most of the time it’s probably a kid who cares way too much about passing his exam. If they keep occurring, there’s actually a legitimate chance that there’s some unhinged engineering student living in a single in the basement of his dorm who fucking means business. But after the 25th time of nothing happening, I feel like it’d be like worrying about someone telling you that the sun rose that morning. Sure, there’s a chance you could die of skin cancer, but it’s probably not going to happen. The worst part about this is Pitt has 34,000 students. I would hope at least a couple of the philosophy majors would have read The Boy Who Cried Wolf and written a douchey Tumblr post about the metaphysical connections to the current situation or some other overly intellectual bullshit. But the point still stands.

EDIT: Apparently the number of threats has grown to about 60, which I can’t even take seriously. John McEnroe would have a fucking field day with this.