10) Auburn Rodeo
— Jamie Jones (@JamieReneeJones) April 1, 2013
Deep South starting us off right. Drunk southern belles in daisy dukes as far as the eye can see. Sports, jorts, and country music all up in your face. Amateur shitfaced bull riders. Ain’t no party like the Auburn Rodeo. No room for any soft Yankee pussies down here. War Damn Eagles do it big.
9) Kent State College Fest
You’re always going to make a this list when if you Google your Spring Weekend the first result has “riot,” SWAT team,” and “tear gas” in the headline. There were a lot of similarities between last year’s College Fest and the other thing that Kent State is famous for, except that in this time the bullets were rubber and instead of protesting a war in Cambodia kids started throwing bricks at cops so they could get blackout drunk on College Ave because that’s what freedom is all about. Of course this resulted in the natural progression of pussification and the powers that be have “officially” decided to take a year off, but a performance like 2012 is more than enough to qualify for the Top 10. Here’s to hoping they’ll be able to maintain their presence.
8) Miami U. Green Beer Day
AKA “Wake Up at 5:30 and Start Drinking Day”. I’m a fan of any holiday where the only proper way to celebrate is waking up and drinking immediately, and the kids out in Oxford redefined the game with the Spring Break pregame that is Green Beer Day. I’ve never had the chance to experience it, but from what I’ve heard the night before is comparable only to the feelings of a young child on Christmas Eve before his parents tell him Santa is just a story the Jews made up to get more money. But now that I’m all grown up, the only thing in the world that could ever get me out of bed at 3 in the morning is the knowledge that the bars on High Street bars are opening at 5:30. And just like the NCAA prides itself on keeping the “student” in student-athlete, the leaders of tomorrow at Miami University be sure to keep the “school’ in party school. You show up to class drunk any other day of the year shitfaced and people start throwing around words like “dependency” and “alcoholic,” but if you decide to actually go to class and you’re not drinking Bud Light and food coloring out of a metal CamelBak then you’re the one with a problem. Not to mention it’s the only weekend on this list that Gosling has been to. So legit.
7) Syracuse Mayfest
Two story bongs. Unlimited house parties. Wandering Euclid Avenue drunk as a skunk and making friends with cops. And the coup de gras this year? Ke$ha headlining the Carrier Dome. Can you say sex everywhere?
6) Colorado 4/20
Switching gears a little bit because we had to give the stoners some shine. It’s not always keg stands and beer funnels to get the party going ESPECIALLY not in Boulder. Probably more weed in the air than actual air. Visibility: 6 inches. Bummer that campus PD are cracking down on this hippy fest this year. 10,000 nappy headed co-eds playing bongos and getting the munchies are about as big a threat to society as a box of puppies.
5) UT Roundup
Texas smokes + Greek life + music + a sea of neon. Hook em!
4) Ohio U. Palmer Fest
Block parties that combine all the essentials. Smokeshows twerking while getting hit by cars. People passed out drunk all over the place from multiple story beer bong hits. Riots and SWAT teams. House fires. Just going down the checklist of Spring Weekend necessities and nailing them all.
3) Arizona State Undie Run
Any party that gets chick’s half naked before it even starts is a winner in my book. Stripping down, getting shitfaced, and dancing around with 25,000 ASU co-eds is definitely the way to finish the last day of classes. Light jog followed by some light foreplay? Sounds like my kind of party. Coming in hot ASU. At least it’s a dry heat.
2) Indiana’s Little 500
Like any good college tradition, the Little 500 is an excuse to drink heavily masquerading as a fundraiser. IU has sneaky some of the hottest girls and craziest frat bros in the country. Put the two together and it’s magic every spring.
1) Wisconsin’s Mifflin Block Party
A Barstool favorite. Every May kids at the University of Wisconsin emerge from hibernation, shed the parkas and shut down Mifflin Street to hold a contest to try and have more people get arrested than the year before. The Administration’s advice? Don’t go. Don’t go. My advice? Be like Patrick Kane and get blacked the fuck out surrounded by smokes. That’s how you do Spring Weekend.
Honorable Mention: UConn Spring Weekend (RIP)
Knocked off the list for 2 reasons. #1, that music video. #2, you never know if Spring Weekend is actually going to happen anymore. Seriously you know you’re doing something right when your Spring Weekend gets so out of hand that your school has no other option to fight back but to turn itself into a police state. I’ll admit the year off hurt them. There’s no denying that. But if you strike me down, I shall become more powerful than you can possibly imagine. UConn knows what it has to do. And if you’re not taking Carriage, Celeron and X-Lot in their prime over almost everything else you’re a crazy person.
Think we missed one? Think your school’s spring weekend goes harder than all 10 of these combined? Let us know in the comments…