Barstool Sports

HuffPo - When biologists say the pacu fish eats nuts, they may be correct in more ways than one. The pacu, a toothy fish that can weigh up to 55 pounds, has been spotted in Lake Lou Yaeger in Illinois, KSDK reports. Responding to a report that a fisherman had reeled in a piranha on June 7, lake superintendent Jim Caldwell brought the fish to the Illinois Department of Natural Resources, where it was identified as a pacu. Some reports say another pacu was seen a couple of weeks later. Caldwell said he is still swimming in the lake nearly every day. Pacus primarily eat nuts, aquatic vegetation and snails, he told KDSK, and pose no real threat to humans. Residents of Papua New Guinea may beg to differ. There, according to British fisherman Jeremy Wade, the pacu is known as the “ball cutter.” In 2011, Wade said locals informed him that two fisherman had died from blood loss after something in the water had bitten off their testicles, according to the Metro.

Oh no biggie.   Just some 55 pound fish with human jaws swimming all willy nilly around Illinois ripping testicles off.  Ho hum ho hum.  Seriously I’d love to see DJ Dante explain this one.  Always ranting and raving about how awesome Chicago is and how it’s the best city in the world ever.  Umm bro you got fish that eat dicks.  Like they clamp onto your cock and shread it to pieces until you bleed out.  That is not cool.   Good luck explaining this one new Barstool Chicago guy.  My city rules!  Fuck you Boston, Fuck you NY!  My city is better than yours!   Oops another bro got his nuts munched off by Pacu the dick eater fish.   Ignore that.