LOS ANGELES (AP) – Teenagers are showing up in Los Angeles emergency rooms after drinking inexpensive liquid hand sanitizers to get drunk. The Los Angeles Times says six teenagers have shown up in two San Fernando Valley emergency rooms in the last few months with alcohol poisoning after drinking hand sanitizer. Some of the teens used salt to separate the alcohol from the sanitizer, making a potent drink similar to a shot of hard liquor. Distillation instructions can be found on the Internet. Although there’s only been a few cases, county public health toxicology expert Cyrus Rangan says it could signal a dangerous trend.
Jesus how weird are kids these days? Bath salts and hand sanitizer? What happened to getting your buddy’s older brother to buy you a case of beer or sneaking some of your parent’s vodka into a water bottle? What happened to smoking weed in the woods and passing around a Gatorade bottle of cheap whiskey? Am I completely dating myself here? I mean how desperate do you have to be to get drunk that you would combine hand sanitizer and listerine and chug it while risking internal bleeding and instant death? Listen I was a kid once. I was a teenager. I had strict parents. I had friends with strict parents. There were nights we had to sneak around and if we were lucky we could snag like a 3/4 empty bottle of old vodka from the basement cupboard. There were nights we couldn’t find anything and were shit out of luck. We were pissed. But I don’t think there was ever even close to a point where I had to get drunk so fucking badly that I would contemplate guzzling hand sanitizer. Like being drunk is cool. It’s fun. But it’s not that fucking cool or fun that you funnel Purell and chase it with FreshBurst. Just make some friends with older siblings you whacky idiots.