Barstool Sports

DT - THE Illawarra District Rugby Union is investigating a bizarre complaint about a player allegedly urinating in his shorts to put off would-be tacklers. The Vikings Rugby club sent a letter to the IDRU this week requesting action be taken against a centre from rival club Avondale after suspicions he relieved himself either before or during their game last weekend. The letter was accompanied by a photograph – subsequently leaked to The Daily Telegraph – which purports to show an incriminating stain on the player’s shorts. “It is either evidence that the player has urinated in his shorts immediately prior to the commencement of the game, or has applied some liquid to that area of his shorts so as to provide the same inference,” Vikings president Mark McDonald wrote.

Oh yeah investigate this guy.  Get the police and senators and Congress on him too while you’re at it.  Don’t worry about the real problems of the world.  They’ll just work themselves out.  Listen you morons this is textbook gamesmanship 101.    If you’re not cheating you’re not trying and frankly I don’t even see how this is cheating.  Like you have to spend the whole match with piss in your pants.  Dried, cold, smelly piss.  So uncomfortable.   But worth it if it keeps the tacklers away.   Just running roughshod all over the pitch scoring goals and kicking field goals or whatever it is that rugby players do exactly.    If Feitelberg can wake up every morning from drinking with a dry puddle in his pants I think you can handle one match.   That’s how you get the most out of yourself.  May not be the most athletic or talented but you go the extra mile at the expense of your body.  Same as steroids or doping.  You do whatever you can to get the edge.  If that means straight up pissing yourself well then unclench that prostate and let it rip.  Ask Mark Schlereth.