Austrian Times- The world’s oldest animal marriage looks set to have turtley ended after an incredible 115 years when the two Giant Turtles at an Austrian zoo refused to share their cage anymore. Zoo management have called in animal experts to try and give the pair counselling – feeding them romantic good mood food and trying to get them to join in joint games – but so far without effect. Zoo boss Helga Happ said: “We get the feeling they can’t stand the sight of each other anymore. They are both 115 years old – they have been together since they were young and grew up together, eventually becoming a pair. But for no reason that anyone can discover they seem to have fallen out, they just can’t stand each other.” Zoo staff realised the pair had fallen out after Bibi attacked her partner – biting off a chunk of his shell – and then carrying out several further attacks until he was moved to another enclosure. Zoo staff have told the experts that nothing has changed in the pair’s routine – but Bibi in particular wanted to have the cage to herself and be a single.
How fucking pathetic is the male turtle? Obviously Bibi is a high maintenance turtle bitch, he should be happy it only took 115 years to figure it out. Don’t bother trying to patch things up. Having your partner bite a hole in your shell is a good sign that she’s tired of your shit. John Wayne Bobbit didn’t come crying back to his wife after she cut his dick off. Take a hint. She’s over you. You can’t do nothing but turtlestyle for a century and still expect there to be romance in your marriage. Just pack your stuff into a box and give Bibi the cage all to herself, then go out and find some hot 50 year old thing with a cheetah print shell and start living life again. After 115 years of marraige you deserve to let your weirdly shaped turtle dick have a little fun.