Barstool Sports

HuffPo – Porn is about to get a lot more hands-on.  The technology for interactive, motion-controlled adult videos is staring us in the face. We need only reach out and touch it.  GameLink, a porn site and on-demand adult video company, is holding a contest to see who can best integrate its video catalog with a motion control device similar to the Kinect technology on an Xbox 360.  Leap Motion will be able to “sense the user’s hand and finger movements for direct 3D interaction with the screen,” according to GameLink’s press release. “Porn is eventually going the way of Minority Report … or a hologram thing like Tupac at Coachella.”  Until then, Dillon needs proposals. So far he’s had some good ideas, like a Fleshlight — a sex toy — that syncs up with the video playing in front of you. He said that motion-control technology has come a long way, and that complete sex simulations are only a wham-bam-thank-ya-ma’am away.

God being an old man in this generation is going to suck so bad.  Not like our grandparents who get to tell cool war stories and show off their Purple Hearts and talk about the music of the 60s and drugs of the 70s.  Going to be trying to explain how you used to get fucked.  ”Back in my day we had to go out to bars and talk to girls with our mouths and spend a lot of money to try and get them to come back to our apartments, and if all else failed we’d sit in front of a 13 inch laptop screen in the dark furiously pummeling ourselves with our dry cracked hands with our boxers at our ankles while desperately trying to avoid gay or tranny videos sneaking into the straight section and clicking off HornyMatches.com popups flying in from all corners.”     Ohh ok whatever you say Grandpa, as he goes back to fucking the Fleshlight hole in his Macbook as virtual tits pop out of the Retina screen into his face.

I mean is anyone else as concerned about the future of humanity as I am?   Seriously if it’s between going out and taking a girl on 6 dates trying to get her to let you stick it in her, or having like 96% real sex with Tori Black at the click of a mouse, what are you gonna choose?  Who’s ever going to get married or start a family anymore?   Ah fuck it, I don’t really care I guess.  Just can’t wait to touch Lisa Ann’s boobs.