MCall – A Bethlehem Area School District employee charged with masturbating while he drove on Route 33 offered a unique excuse through his attorney in the lead up to being accepted into a first-offender program on Tuesday, authorities said. Guy Labar, 48, of East Stroudsburg claimed it was a case not of lewdness, but of “manscaping” gone wrong, said Northampton County District Attorney John Morganelli, using a slang term for male grooming. “The witness didn’t see any manscaping going on,” added Assistant District Attorney Patricia Mulqueen, who prosecuted the case. Accepted into Accelerated Rehabilitative Disposition, Labar will avoid a criminal record if he completes two years of probation and pays court costs and fines.
Classic case of playing the odds. There’s a 50/50 shot you’re gonna get caught manscaping your cock and have it mistaken for masturbating and get sent to court and end up with 2 years probation. There’s a 100% chance you show up to a booty call with an unshaved dick and unkept bush sprawling out of your boxers that you’re not gonna get laid. Sometimes you just got to play the numbers. And yes Guy Labar could have avoided all this by giving himself a pubic shape up in his bathroom or something with the door closed but honestly who has the time? We all got jobs with bosses crawling up our ass and family obligations and chores to do all the time. Not always a spare chunk of time to charge up the buzzer, lay down a towel and get to work on trimming up your cock. Sometimes you just got to multitask and the only place to manscape is the left lane of Route 33. You ask me the witness should be thrown in jail right next to Guy for endangering people on the highway. Keep your eyes on the road you rubbernecking bitch.
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