Barstool Sports

KUFSTEIN, Austria, May 30 (UPI) — A German man facing a poaching charge in Austria says he was just pretending to catch fish to impress his children. Alexander Donninger, who was charged with poaching in a Kufstein court, said the fish a passerby reported him for poaching from the lake in the Kufstein district were actually frozen trout he had purchased from a local supermarket and allowed to thaw in order to impress his children with his fishing skills, The Local.de reported Wednesday. The case is set to be heard when the witness returns from a vacation, the Die Welt newspaper reported. Donninger could face a fine or up to six months in prison if convicted on the poaching charge

Is Alexander Donninger fucking kidding me? Bro, you never, ever, ever do something like this. I’m not saying I wouldn’t buy fish and pretend I caught them, I would do that 11 out of 10 times. But I’d serve 10 years before I ever admitted to it. I’d fucking prosecute myself for the crime before I said I bought the fish in a market. Your goddamn right I poached those fish, your Honor, because I’m the best fucking fisherman the Kufstein district has ever seen! 6 months, that’s all you’re gonna give me? 6 months?! HA! Well in 7 months that lake will be flat out of fish. You’ve never seen a fisherman as good as me. They fucking jump in my boat! I’m a danger to the whole ecosystem.  And you can put that on record! I’ll have them believing my lie, hook line and sinker. Admit you’re a cheater and Alexander’s kids will never look at him the same. Dude could cure cancer and he’ll still just be that faggot who didn’t know how to bait a hook.