Barstool Sports

MCall – A young Heidelberg Township man on Monday admitted knocking out a friend at a house party in January after the victim, who suffered a skull fracture and brain bleeding, arrived with the wrong kind of beer. Jeremy J. Kegarise, 19, pleaded guilty to simple assault. Lehigh County Deputy District Attorney Anna-Kristie Morffi Marks said the fight occurred around 11:30 p.m. on Jan. 28 at a home in the 7400 block of Camp Meeting Road in Lynn Township. Kegarise had given Antonio M. Inzillo, 21, of New Tripoli, $15 to buy beer and wasn’t happy when Inzillo came back with the wrong kind, according to testimony. Inzillo was asked to buy it because Kegarise is under age. “What type of beer did he buy?” asked Judge James T. Anthony, as Kegarise smiled and looked downward. “He bought Yuengling (lager); he was supposed to buy light beer, judge,” responded Kegarise’s attorney, public defender John Baurkot.

Oh great one of these beer snob assholes.  Should know better than sending one of those cocksuckers on a beer run.   “Light beer is like piss water!  It’s for chicks bro!  Might as well pee in a can and pour it in your vagina!  Real men drink pale ale IPA or noble Lager with super hops!”  Fucking hardos and a half.  Hey newsflash bro.  I asked for light beer for a reason.   Nobody wants to drink Yuengling at a fucking house party.   Just stand in the corner nursing a bottle for 20 minutes then feeling like you just ate a steak dinner afterwards.  I’m trying to slam as many brews as possible to get fucked up enough to shake my ass on the basement dance floor than grab the hottest chick in the joint and fuck her in your mother’s bedroom.  I want light beer funneling down my throat nonstop until the break of dawn.     You want to sip your craft microbrew with a foam head in your customized stein be my guest.  Just don’t be surprised when I flip out and fracture your skull into pieces for bringing that shit to supply my party.