Barstool Sports

ESPN- Last week, a hopeful prospect showed up at LSU’s July football camp. He posted an impressive 4.46 40-yard dash, and he earned a scholarship offer from the Tigers’ coaching staff for his efforts. It’s a scene that plays out on college campuses every single summer, although this offer was different for one main reason — Dylan Moses has yet to start eighth grade. “The coaches told me they were offering — and they were serious. I thought they were playing,” Edward Moses said. “Really, I thought that they were joking around until I saw the serious look on their faces. So I rolled with it. Let’s see where it’s going to end up.” Much has been made of the offer since word got out the Tigers were interested in a soon-to-be eighth grader. Indeed, even if he accepted the offer, Dylan Moses couldn’t officially sign with LSU for another five years. His workout numbers certainly don’t reflect that youth. In addition to the blistering 40 time, the 6-foot, 205-pound middle schooler posted a broad jump of 9 feet, 3 inches and a 34-inch vertical leap. But with a long road ahead, both father and son acknowledged it’s a step in the right direction. “It means that all my hard work is paying off. All the two-a-days and practices from when I was six on up, it’s paying off right now,” Dylan Moses said.

There’s really nothing like hearing about a 14 year old getting a scholarship offer to play football at an SEC school to make you realize just how fucking mediocre your life is. I was still trying to figure out how my dick worked when i was in 8th grade and this kid already has a scholarship offer for his 4.46 40. Obviously if you’re Dylan Moses you’re glad that all your hard work has paid off and for the next 8 years you can have any piece of LSU related ass that you can desire, but the real question is would I ever trade a childhood full of [insert nostalgic 90s reference here] for a life full of two-a-days and and a dad that hates childhood more than Hitler hated art school admissions officers. It’s great that he doesn’t know how to do algebra and still has a full ride to a college football powerhouse, but I did the same thing when I was his age with an Xbox and a copy of NCAA Football. The scariest part of this entire story is that knowing how the South works there’s no way Dylan Moses is the only kid with a father who loves midget football more than he hates creating happy memories. Knowing college football it’s probably just a matter of time before Auburn starts sending scouts to Pee Wee games. Forget pipeline states. It’s all about pipeline elementary schools.