Barstool Sports

Iceland Review- MP for the Independence Party Árni Johnsen arranged for the relocation of a 30-ton boulder, which he believes is home to three generations of elves, from Sandskeið on Hellisheiði in southwest Iceland to his home Höfðaból in the Westman Islands today. In January 2010, his car overturned and landed beside the boulder 40 meters away from the highway. His SUV was damaged beyond repair but Árni escaped the accident unharmed. He considered whether the boulder might be a dwelling for hidden people and had it saved from landing underneath the south Iceland Ring Road when the highway was widened. “I had Ragnhildur Jónsdóttir, a specialist in the affairs of elves from Álfagarðurinn in Hellisgerði, Hafnarfjörður, to come look at the boulder with me,” recollected Árni. “She said it was incredible, that she had never met three generations of elves in the same boulder before.” “She said an elderly couple lives on the upper floor but a young couple with three children on the lower floor,” the MP described. The specialist concluded that the boulder’s inhabitants were content with the move. “But they asked whether the boulder could stand on grass. I said that was no problem but asked why they wanted grass. ‘It’s because they want to have sheep,’ Ragnhildur replied,” Árni continued.

I’ll admit right off the bat that even though everything about it makes America the greatest country that ever was and ever will be, it still has its problems. I haven’t paid much attention to what’s being said in the classes that I do go to, but if my political science major has taught me anything it’s that America is all ll kinds of fucked. Presidents getting impeached for getting head in the Oval Office, senators disgraced for having gay sex in a public restroom, women running for office; the list goes on and on. So it’s great to know that no matter how bad things get over, we’ll never be as bad as Iceland. I disagree with politicians who abuse their position of power and don’t fully understand the negative impact their views can have on the most important issues in the society today, like the regulation of mind altering substances  and Internet pornography. But at the end of the day at I take comfort in the fact that we can come together as a people and agree on one thing: there’s no such thing as elves. Like no matter how crazy the things that come out of some people’s mouths might be, at least they live in a reality where they realize the giant boulder behind their house isn’t home to three generations of flying fantasy creatures contracted by the elves in the tree down the street to make cookies. Until that changes, I’m still pretty confident in America’s chances on the international playing field.

PS- Someone needs to tell Iceland to start naming their towns things that people can pronounce. Those seriously look like someone transcribed the words of a guy with Tourette’s trying to order a bedroom set at Ikea