Barstool Sports

Daily Mail – Scientists have found a sure-fire way for men to live longer – but most red-blooded males will find the method unpalatably painful. Researchers in Korea have shown that eunuchs – castrated men living centuries ago – outlived other men by a significant margin. They say their findings suggest that male sex hormones are responsible for shortening the lives of men. The evidence comes after careful study of genealogy records of noble members of the Imperial court of the Korean Chosun dynasty (AD 1392-1910).  Eunuchs were allowed to marry and had families by adopting castrated boys or normal girls. People in those days kept careful genealogy records as proof that they were of the noble class. By poring over those records, Min and his colleague Cheol-Koo Lee, of Korea University, found that eunuchs lived 14 to 19 years longer than other men did.

Studies like this are awesome.  Hey we discovered the way to live 1000 years!  Yup just cut your dick off.  Then you’re good to go.  How do I know?  Oh I just spent 4 years researching nobility records of the Imperial court of the Korean Chosun dynasty in AD 1392 on some gigantic federal grant to come to the conclusion that lopping your ball sack off makes you gain some years on the back end. I mean I hate to state the obvious but I’d rather live for 5 minutes with a dick than a century without one.  Like these are the same people that sit around their labs all day putting out studies like alcohol is bad for you and so are smoking and drugs.  Want to live forever?  Eat nothing but fruits, vegetables, almonds, don’t drink, never have a cigar, wear 5 condoms, run 4 miles a day, and take a machete to your cock.  Sounds like a real hoot.  Get to be the oldest, most miserable fuck on the planet.