Barstool Sports

Joystiq – What would you do if someone put a gun to your head and demanded that you hand over all your RuneScape gold? Fordham University students David Emani and Jonathan Dokler found out first hand when they were robbed of 4.7 billion RuneScape coins at gunpoint. Fellow student Humza Bajwa first attempted to buy the coins from the pair with an envelope full of counterfeit money. When confronted about the fake cash, Bajwa then put an air pistol that resembled a real firearm to Emani’s head and ordered him to phone Dokler and tell him to transfer the coins. Though the gun wasn’t a real firearm and only virtual property was stolen, Bajwa was later arrested by local police and charged with second-degree robbery and grand larceny. RuneScape developer Jagex doesn’t condone the sale of coins for cash, but sales aren’t illegal and the stolen coins could fetch around $3,300 US on the black market.  If convicted, Bajwa faces a potential prison sentence of up to 15 years for his crimes.

How do you think this goes over in the big house?  Like what do you think this bro’s introductions are like with his fellow inmates?  Love to be a fly on the wall for day 1 in the cells.   “What are you in here for man?  ”Well I raped and murdered a family of 19.  This is my buddy Joe, he stole 10 cars then shot a cop in the face.  You?”  ”Oh I put an AirSoft BB gun to the back of a college kid’s head and demanded he turn over his 4.7 billion RuneScape video game coins.” I mean I’ve watched enough TV and movies to know how the prison system works, with the hierarchies and the violent criminals and the strategizing for which group you belong to to get protection.  Just having a tough time figuring out how the fake money thief from the world’s #1 MMORPG fits in.  Seriously this ain’t Gielinor anymore brah.    Hope you figure out a way to use those $4.7 bil internet dollars to buy a Max Cape and cast an Immunity spell in the real world in that real cell where a real dick is trying to butt fuck you.

PS – I love the opening.  ”What would you do if someone put a gun to your head and demanded all your RuneScape gold?”  Umm I’d probably say what the fuck is RuneScape gold then when you told me it was fake money coins from a virtual video game I’d say take whatever the fuck you want and leave me alone you dweeb shithead.