Barstool Sports

NZHerald – A Northern Territory man may be flown to Adelaide after a party trick involving setting off fire crackers between his buttocks went badly wrong. The 23-year-old man was at a party in the Darwin suburb of Rapid Creek on Saturday night when he decided to let the cracker off, NT Police said. “It appears a party was in full progress when a young male decided to place a firework between the cheeks of his bottom and light it,” said Senior Sergeant Garry Smith. “What must of seemed to be a great idea at the time has backfired, resulting in the male receiving quite severe and very painful burns to his cheeks, back and private bits,” Snr Sgt Smith said. Alcohol was a possible factor involved in the stunt, police said. Paramedics were called although the man had reportedly already taken himself to hospital by the time they arrived.

Looks like somebody invited THAT guy to the party.  You know the guy who is like desperately looking for attention and for everyone to notice how drunk he is and how much fun he’s having.  Everyone is standing in groups chatting and flirting with beer bottles and wine glasses and he’s marching around with his shirt off and a 3 beer funnel.  Doing like fuckin cannonballs in the pool.  Everybody knows a guy like that and turns out this New Zealand crew does too.   Nobody invites him but he always ends up being the first to ring the bell with a 30 rack on his shoulder.   Before you know it he’s shoving a lit firecracker up his butt hole and exploding into a billion pieces right in the middle of your party.  Such a buzzkill.  Nothing will ruin a good time like chunks of charred asshole dropping into your Mojito.

PS-  ”Darwin suburb” it’s like God is fucking with me.