Barstool Sports

FORT LAUDERDALE, Fla. - A man who claims his name is Jackmeoff Mudd has been arrested on a variety of charges. It’s not known if the 54-year-old’s real name is indeed Jackmeoff, but that’s the name that is being used by the Broward Sheriff’s Office. Fort Lauderdale police arrested Mudd last Friday on six charges, including assault, disorderly conduct, resisting an officer/obstruction without violence and possessing alcohol in a public area.

You know how when people like God Shamgodd or God’s Gift Achiuwa or Majestic Mapp are born everyone just pretty much expects them to be famous.  Like when you have a name like that you don’t just end up pumping gas or ringing up groceries or something, you end up in the spotlight because that’s what the name is built for.  Well that’s exactly what’s going on with Jackmeoff Mudd here.  Basically when you’re born with a name like Jackmeoff Mudd you don’t really have a choice in the matter but to grow up being arrested almost daily for disorderly conduct and drinking in public.    It chooses you.  And no matter how hard you try to stay on the straight and narrow, maybe put on a suit and a tie and show up for a job interview and gladhand it with a couple of bigwigs, you’ll always and I mean always end up right back in the park piss drunk beating up police officers because that’s just what Jackmeoff Mudds do.