Online Athens- A naked man who Athens-Clarke police say assaulted his girlfriend in Athens this week told officers he was stripped of his clothing because he lost a game of beer pong. Officers said they were called to an apartment at The Lodge of Athens on North Street about 1:20 a.m. Tuesday when a woman complained her roommate was assaulted by her boyfriend. The officer said he saw naked man in the living room, a milk jug with something in it on a table, along with several plastic cups. One of the cups had two ping pong balls in it. The naked man, 19-year-old Jamar Darnell Thomas, explained he wasn’t wearing any clothes as a consequence of losing a game of beer pong, police said. Beer pong is a drinking game, and Thomas apparently was playing a version that requires the removal of clothing. Either during or after the game, he and his girlfriend got into some kind of political argument, “talking about Democrats and Republicans,” according to police. The woman then used Thomas’ phone to send a text message to her roommate. When Thomas tried to see it, the girlfriend snatched away the phone and slapped Thomas in the face, according to police. Thomas then grabbed the woman by the shoulders and dragged her to her bedroom, but he let her go after they crashed into a mirrored door, breaking it, police said.
I’m not sure what the rules in Athens are, but as far as I know there are only two ways to end up completely naked after a game of beer pong. The most common occurrence is that the combination of pressure and alcohol brings out your inner Parkinson’s and prevents you from making a cup the entire game. The second is that you’re filming a video for Dare Dorm. And based on the reported lack lack of cameras and the fact that that the of the Official College Orgy Site features a grand total of zero black guys on their main page, I’m guessing Jamar ended up doing naked laps around the table because of his inability to put a ping pong ball into a Solo Cup. Have you ever tried to have a reasonable dialogue about how the lack of bipartisanship in Congress is impacting negotiations concerning the fiscal cliff after having your psyche shattered like that? It just doesn’t happen. That’s how bad things happen. It’s really a shame that his definition of “bad things” is throwing his girlfriend into a mirror. Now people know he beats women andthat hesucks at beer pong.