Barstool Sports

Twin Cities – A woman at a St. Paul bus stop told police Wednesday, “I’ve seen a lot on University Avenue, but never anything like this.” The 30-year-old woman, who was sitting at the corner of University and Marion Street, called 911 after seeing a man pull up in a car in front of her. Minutes later, officers near University Avenue were told by a dispatcher to look out for “a white male in a red pickup performing oral sex on a white dildo.” After pulling over Brian Wutschke, 45, of Farmington, police searched the interior of his truck and found a sex toy under a flannel shirt. They also noted several pairs of women’s panties strewn around the interior, including hanging from the rear-view mirror and the gear shift. When they performed a pat-down search of the man and reached “the waistline area,” officers could feel something vibrating. The man then informed them he also had a sex toy inserted inside him. “That one’s kind of unique. They’ll be talking about this one for a while,” said police watch commander Eric Anderson.

You know when you show up for like family dinner at Thanksgiving or the holidays and somebody gets too drunk and wants to talk too much or bring up embarrassing stuff or just shoot the shit about the family?    Imagine being Brian Wutschke at Thanksgiving dinner?    Just sitting in corner of the table hunched over his mashed potatoes like a motherfucker.  So is anything new in the family?  Is there anything we haven’t talked about?  Come on there has to be something interesting!    YES, YES OK, BRIAN GOT PULLED OVER SUCKING A GIGANTIC WHITE DILDO DICK WHILE HE HAD A VIBRATOR SHOVED UP HIS ASSHOLE!   FUCKING DROP IT ALREADY! So awkward.  You never want to be the guy pulled over by cops with one rubber cock in your mouth and one in your ass.  That shit will come back to bite you 100 times out of 100.