Barstool Sports

CLEMSON, S.C. —  A Clemson University freshman was charged with first-degree burglary after police said he took $5 from a dormitory room, according to a university release.  Avery Tanner Boone, 18, of Greer, an engineering major, is also charged with the felony and with misdemeanor public disorderly conduct, the release said. Police said they detected the odor of alcohol coming from him, according to university representative Robin Denny.   Denny said the theft from a room in Johnstone Hall happened on Sunday.  Police said Boone took the cash and several food items from the room.   Boone was released on a $10,262.50 personal recognizance bond, according to the release.

Real tough way to get booted out of college.  Real tough.  Like you kind of at least want to get your money’s worth.  Cheat on a final exam worth half your grade.  Plagiarize your senior thesis.   Haze somebody in the most epic frat initiation ever.  At least have the ends justify the means.  Be a campus legend on your way out.  Something a little better than stealing 5 bucks from the weird Indian kid down the hall’s room to buy late night delivery.  And for everybody who says that it’s just 5 bucks and you don’t get why it’s such a big deal bear in mind that $5 in college money is equivalent to about 100 bucks in real world money.   That’s like 5 shots at the bar as opposed to 1/3 of your after-work business dinner cocktail in the city.  And stealing food items?  That’s just crossing the line pure and simple.  A bro’s dorm room is his temple and his stash of Doritos, pretzels, ramen noodles, Hot Pockets, individual Celeste pizzas, Goldfish, and Easy Mac is his treasure.  You mess with that you’re going down hard as Avery Tanner just found out.