LOUISVILLE, Ky. —A man faces multiple charges after police said he broke into Metro Fire House on Jefferson Street while intoxicated and masturbated on gear. According to the arrest report, 27-year-old Nicholas Gonzales shattered one of the bay window doors on the building, broke in, pulled gear out of lockers in a storage room and was found masturbating on the gear. Police said he was under the influence of alcohol and when asked why he broke in, he stated, “Because I wanted to.”
Can somebody tell these cops and firefighters to chill the fuck out for a second? Like you’re in Kentucky fellas. Just consider yourself lucky you didn’t find this dude with his pants at his ankles in a stable somewhere butt fucking a horse. Count your lucky stars he didn’t break in to your living room and start having sex with the family dog. I mean not to stereotype or anything but just going strictly by the numbers 110% of our Does This Look Like The Face Of blogs from Kentucky end with A Dude Caught (sex act verb) With A (farm animal or household pet)? Think it’s safe to assume that walking in for the morning shift and finding some weirdo delivering 6-ropers all over your fire extinguishers and flame retardent jackets is as tame as a criminal act can get down there.