Barstool Sports

NYDN - Strange objects shooting across the Denver sky have left a local television station and an aviation expert mystified.  KDVR-TV first caught wind of the mystery when a man brought the station a video clip of the bizarre, flying objects soaring above the Denver metro area.  The man, who wished to remain anonymous, claimed that the UFOs appeared multiple times a week, usually between noon and 1 p.m.  ”The strangest part is that they are flying too fast to see with the naked eye,” said KDVR reporter Heidi Hemmat.   The station invited one of its photojournalists, Noah Skinner, to test the man’s claims. Skinner set up a video camera in the exact same spot where the man captured his images and let the tape roll just after noon.  The flying objects appear in the Denver sky several times a week, usually between noon and 1 p.m., according to the unidentified man.  The resulting video confirmed the existence of the unidentifiable, speeding objects, prompting KDVR to seek the opinion of Steve Cowell, a former commercial pilot and Federal Aviation Administration prevention counselor.  “That is not an airplane, that is not a helicopter, those are not birds,” said Cowell. “I can’t identify it.”

I don’t care how awesome of a day you thought you had yesterday.   I don’t care if you woke up, found 20 bucks in your pocket, had work cancelled because of a power outage, went back home and got in bed and a supermodel stumbled into your bed and fucked your dick off.  You did NOT have a better day than this weirdo UFO hunter who just had his entire shit vindictated on Denver television.   Not even close.  I mean this bro just LIVES to get made fun of.  Straight up bashed every day of his life.  Hey idiot UFOs are fake!  Go watch ET loser!  Who believes in aliens that isn’t 8 years old!?  Yeah I bet you saw some flying saucers you dipshit!   Well hey guys would you look at that.  News Channel KDVR just picking up some motherfucking UFOs all over the skyline.  Who is the loser now?  Is it me, the FAA expert, and everybody with functioning eyesight?  Or you?   Yeah that’s what I thought.   Take your skepticism and suck my dick with it.  Aliens in yo face!