Barstool Sports

MSNBC- A Chinese fashion firm, Xiamen Jinzhi, has named a line of its sunglasses Helen Keller. This is no marketing mistake, or lost in translation. A spokesman for the company, Chen Wenjing, told the Wall Street Journal, they were well aware Keller was blind, but saw merchandising value in her “philanthropist spirit.” On the company’s Helen Keller sunglasses website, someone seems to have picked up a reference about Helen Keller from Wikipedia, “Helen Keller: She was the first deaf-blind person to earn a Bachelor of Arts degree.”The company even produced an ad for the HK glasses, including paparazzi and a model donning the specs. When she puts on the glasses, the paparazzi go wild, and the promo promises: “You see the world, the world sees you.”Carl Augusto, president of the American Foundation for the Blind, admitted Keller had quite a sense of humor and probably would have “laughed hysterically” when she heard about the strange homage to her legacy.

Here’s just more proof proving why the Chinese are eventually going to run the world. I can’t believe no one has thought of this angle before. Spare me the philanthropic spirit bullshit, this is just straight logic: If you want glasses that block out the sun, who’s a better spokesperson than someone who has never seen it? It’s all about getting people to relate celebrities to your product. If Michael J. Fox released a line of snow globes I’d be the first in line to get them because you know they’re going to be the best motherfucking snow globes money can buy.  If Xiamen Jinzhi knew anything they would realize how big of a goldmine they were sitting on. Why stop with sunglasses when there are so many other options? Helen Keller Earplugs, anyone? I’ll even give them the slogan: You’ve Never Heard Anything (Like It) In Your Life. Boom. Marketing genius.

PS- I don’t think I’ve ever been happier than the moment I read that Helen Keller had a sense of humor. That might have just resulted in me moving up at to least one of the better circles in Hell.