Barstool Sports

Times - A Chinese student, who mistook a bottle of sperm for moisturiser, has pressed charges against the would-be Romeo who gave it to her.  Zeng Lin, 19, had rubbed half the fluid into her face before noticing the smell. Her suspicions were confirmed when her flatmate said that it was semen, police said.  Besotted Gou Wen, 22, said that he had hoped to declare his love with the bizarre gift, the Sun reports.

He said: “I love her so much but she didn’t know it and I didn’t know how to tell her.  ”So I did that thinking it was the ultimate way to show love.”  Gou was forced to pay his victim £200 in compensation and has apologised.  Despite the setback the young man from Chongqing is still determined to win over his crush.  ”Now I know I was wrong, but I will find another way to show it,” he said.

Greeting card.  Animated e-card.  Hand written note.  1800-Flowers.  Holding boombox over head and blaring Peter Gabriel   Just rattling off some things that immediately came to mind when I was thinking of “how to tell someone I love them so much.”    I think “send her a bottle of Neutrogena SPF 30 Oil Control jam packed full of my jizz” wasn’t til like #345 on the list but hey.  Never claimed to be an expert at getting pussy.  Do your thing Gou.  99 times out of 100 the cum filled moisturizer gift will backfire and lead to £200 in fines.  But it’s that 1 time that makes it all worth it.