Barstool Sports

Urban Daddy- Cancel all lunch plans and make way for Liquor-Infused Panini from Salumè, just a few Italian sandwiches that also happen to be sauced up, available now. This was inevitable. The polygamous marriage of mortadella, cave-aged cheeses you’ve got to pronounce in a hearty Italian accent and the distinct taste of the grappa dripped over the meat. Yes, dripped over. It’s not some complicated process of slow-cooking that burns off all the good stuff. They simply take a medicine dropper and make your sandwich alcoholic. You’ve got a few options here. They’ve got one with Surryano ham and rye, and another with prosciutto, beets and scotch. There’s a crudo prosciutto with gin. Just taking home a couple pounds of the drizzled meat is another way to go. (Nothing goes with Kraft singles like gin-drizzled prosciutto.) You’ll notice the booze more in some sandwiches than others, which obviously means that you’ll have to keep returning until you’ve viewed, wafted and expertly tasted each and every one.

The nerds can have their Curiosity landing and all the cool red dirt that comes with it, but anyone with a brain knows this is the scientific achievement that people should be celebrating. If you’ve ever spent an entire day trying to figure out how to turn a spiral ham and a fifth of rum into something edible only to end up with two pounds of uneaten meat and a trash can filled with vomit, this is a fucking godsend. Sure, it might seem simple because it according to the article it is literally just booze poured over a sandwich, but before we invented airplanes we had people throwing wings on their back and jumping off of cliffs. You’ve got to start somewhere, and this is the first step to the eventuality that is alcoholic food. Does it taste good? Probably not. Does it fucking matter? Absolutely not. If you hand me a menu featuring cold cuts drenched in alcohol I will order it every single time out of principle. I can’t wait for the day when I can walk into a Subway and get absolutely rum hammered.