Barstool Sports

FOTP – Before the State of Alabama secedes from the United States, Auburn fans are turning to Trooper Taylor chest bump buddy and President of the United States, Barack Obama, to put an end to the dumpster fire that is Auburn football:

we petition the obama administration to:

Remove Jay Jacobs and Gene Chizk from Auburn University
Dear President Obama,

You probably remembered the Auburn University football team from their visit to your house in early 2011. You gave Trooper Taylor a chest bump. Since then the football team, like the Tea Party has fallen off of the map and would be forgotten by the nation were it not for our ineptitude.

Our Athletic Director is terrible. He gave Gene Chizik a $10 million buyout; even Jesse Jackson, Jr. thinks that was an inappropriate payoff for a friend.

Ask Robert Gibbs how far Auburn football has fallen.

Do the right thing.

Either sent military drones to the athletic department and blow the whole thing up or give our boosters a $10 million stimulus package to create new orange and blue jobs. Determine that Jacobs and Chizik are terrorists and get rid of them for Auburn. Go USA!

This is what I love about the SEC.  Just so fucking passionate and crazy.   Spending the time to submit an official petition to the President of the United States to remove their football coach because he’s having a bad season.  And yes whoever wrote it is obviously joking and 95% of the Auburn fans reading it will have a good laugh about it.  But can you tell me with a straight face that the other 5% doesn’t honestly believe Obama will label Chizik a terrorist and send a drone strike to the athletic department if they get enough signatures?   You can’t do that.    There are Harvey Updyke’s on every team’s fan squad guys.