Barstool Sports

MSNBC - At age 102, car enthusiast Margaret Dunning is gearing up for her next great adventure: She’s heading back to college to finish her business degree. Mere hours ago, Dunning — who had to drop out of the University of Michigan nearly 80 years ago during the Great Depression — had no idea that homework and tests were about to loom large in her life once again. But she’s lived long enough to know that happy surprises can come at the most unexpected times — and on Wednesday afternoon, the surprise she got was a doozy. At a special ceremony just for her, Dunning was presented with free tuition at the University of Michigan and free car-care products for the rest of her life. “I’m having a big day, I’ll tell you,” Dunning said in a telephone interview following the ceremony. “Was it ever a complete surprise!” The FRAM Group, which makes FRAM, Autolite and Prestone automotive products, wanted to honor Dunning in response to a TODAY.com article about her lifelong love of cars (and penchant for changing her own oil and spark plugs all these years).

Wow what a heart warming story!  What a great feel good tale!   Free tuition at U Michigan for grandma!   Let’s pack up the Oldsmobile with vintage beer funnels and condoms and head to the dorm!   And maybe on her drive to campus she’ll pass by a group of underprivileged high school students with straight As who dream of going to college but their parents can’t afford it.      Hell, maybe she’ll just run them straight over.  Pretty much what she’s doing metaphorically.  I mean is are you for real with this scholarship?  Yeah this old bag definitely deserves a free college education.  It will serve her well when she’s dead in 5 minutes.   Not like there’s anyone who actually needs it right.    Listen it sucks you got fucked by the Great Depression and had to drop out 200 years ago but like, get over it already.  Just sit in your deck chair and crochet knit caps for your great grandkids like a normal 102 year old lady.  Tell FRAM to give the cash to someone who can actually make the most of it or will at least not die during orientation of natural causes.

PS-  How’d you like to be this broad’s history teacher?