Brazilian Soccer Goalie Who Had His GF Murdered And Then Fed To His Dogs Says “Get Over My One Mistake”

Screen Shot 2017-03-20 at 2.21.37 PMNY PostThe Brazilian goalkeeper who ordered the murder of his girlfriend before feeding her to his Rottweilers has incredibly claimed he’s “not a bad guy.”

Bruno Fernandes de Souza was let out of jail in February on a legal technicality after spending just six years behind bars for his horrendous crime.

The goalie had former model girlfriend Eliza Samudio tortured and beaten before being strangled, chopped into pieces and fed to a pack of Rottweilers, following a dispute over child support.

But in his first interview since leaving jail and controversially signing with Boa Esporte, de Souza is quoted as saying: “Dude, what happened, happened.

“I made a mistake, a serious one, but mistakes happens in life — I’m not a bad guy.

“People tried to bury my dream because of one mistake, but I asked God for forgiveness, so I’m carrying on with my career, dude.

Full disclosure– I wanted to blog this story when Fernandes was released in February. But even I thought it was too gruesome to send to my emergency contact, future best man at my wedding, godfather of my children, primary beneficiary of my estate, and mentor/idol/all-American hero KMarko. So let me clarify something: it’s NOT FUNNY that Fernandes contracted the murder of his ex-girlfriend before portioning her into dinner bowls for his pack of Rottweilers. In NO WAY is it funny that he probably told the dogs to “sit!” before he handed them each an equal measure of the mother of his children.

What IS funny is that his response to this HORRIBLE, HEINOUS act was to say “dude… what happened, happened” like he’s talking about ruining a load of laundry by mixing whites and colors. I don’t care how Brazilian you are; you cannot start that sentence with “dude.” The stakes are too high. What’s more, he calls it his “one mistake” and reminds us all of our fallibility. Bruno, let me put this in words you’ll understand: torture, murder, chopping body, and feeding to dogs = 4 mistakes, and BIG ones at that.

You say you’re not a bad guy. But… you are a bad guy. You own a pack of Rottweilers man. That’s Disney villain 101. Maybe if you’d fed her to your cockapoo, labradoodle, pooghan, and dalmadoodle, we’d be singing a different tune. In that case, we’d be like wow, Bruno really loves cross-poodle mixes. Is that because he appreciates their hypo-allergenic benefits? I mean the whole murder/mincing thing would become an afterthought. But nope, team of Rottweilers only enhances your bad guy image. Wrong dogs, dude.

“I’m starting over.” 

Yep, just taking it one day at a time. Focusing on stopping soccer balls and not murdering and dividing women into morsels for safe consumption by my dogs. Every day is a victory.

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