Yanks and Sox Odds
With the 2006 edition of the best rivalry in sports already underway by the time you read this, I thought I’d lay down some betting odds for the Sox and Yanks this season.
Johnny Damon gets booed in his first game at Fenway
Odds: OFF
Assessment: This has already happened by the time you read this. I just wanted to get started with a sure thing.
Curt Schilling’s other ankle bleeds
Odds: 50 to 1
Assessment: Seeing as how the devil has not come to collect on the pact Curt must have made with him during the 2004 season, I’m guessing he just might be getting old.
Alex Rodriguez comes out of the closet
Odds: 18 to 1
Assessment: I’m a Yankees fan, and even I have my doubts.
David Ortiz wins a game with a walk off
Odds: 5 to 1
Assessment: Oh, how I long for the day when Joe Torre realizes that you should not pitch to David Ortiz under any circumstances. Honestly, the only reason David Ortiz has as many game winning hits as he does is because MLB managers are apparently idiots. I’d take my chances with Manny.
The Red Sox start handing out Viagra in the dugout
Odds: 500 to 1
Assessment: In a desperate attempt to make the offense more potent, Sox management starts… well, you get it.
Manny washes his hair
Odds: 15 to 1
Assessment: Seriously, I can smell it through the TV.
The NY Post publishes an article that Randy Johnson is actually a corpse
Odds: 1,000 to 1
Assessment: Either that, or Joe Torre brings the geriatric lefty out to the mound in a wheelchair.
Kyle Farnsworth puts a two foot hole in Jorge Posada
Odds: 10 to 1
Assessment: The Yanks middle reliever regularly hits 100 on the radar gun. Pure gas.
Mariano Rivera blows a save
Odds: 6 to 1
Assessment: I’m not about to say that the Sox have his number, but he hasn’t been the same against the Sox since 2004.
John Papelbon grows dreads
Odds: 5 to 1
Assessment: With the Wild Thing Mohawk under his belt, he moves on to pick up the slack left by “Brandon” Arroyo as the token white guy with nappy hair.
Gary Sheffield finally snaps and kills a fan during a game
Odds: 25 to 1
Assessment: Gary Sheffield’s brain is like that creaky, boarded up dock on a spooky lake. All it takes is one idiot who takes a wrong step.
Alex Rodriguez gets a two out RBI hit in the late innings to win a game
Odds: 10 billion to 1
Assessment: Alex is the first guy to have 130+ RBI without ever getting a hit with men on base.
A Yankees baserunner gets caught in a rundown
Odds: 7 to 1
Assessment: Thanks to the MLB Extra Innings Package, I’ve been able to watch the Yankees attempt to break the record for most run-downs in the month of April.
Josh Beckett becomes the next Carl Pavano
Odds: 22 to 1
Assessment: Despite the early season results, Pavano’s numbers were better than Beckett’s when he came over to the AL. I’m just saying.
The Yankees Suck chant will be recorded by the Hall of Fame and get its own exhibition as the “Dumbest Chant in the History of Sports”
Odds: 8 to 1
Assessment: I can only wish.
There will be a bench clearing brawl
Odds: 4 to 1
Assessment: Did the World Baseball Classic make these guys best friends? Or do they still dislike each other? We’ll see how things go when tension gets high. But I want a brawl to happen just to watch Johnny Damon wander around like a confused, lost child.
The teams will combine to set a season record for most men left in scoring position
Odds: 9 to 1
Assessment: If the early season trend continues, the odds on this will be a lot lower soon.
Roger Clemens will pitch for the Yankees
Odds: 3 to 1
Assessment: Honestly, if both teams are in contention, it’s going to be all about the money. And when that happens, you know who wins.
FOX Sports will still run Babe Ruth stories
Odds: 5 to 1
Assessment: I don’t think any other network has been hit harder by the 04 Sox Championship than Fox. I mean, after they won, someone had to teach Jeannie Zelasko a new baseball story. This was all she had.
We’ll see that 2K6 Sports commercial with Jeter and Beckett 1,000 times
Odds: 2 to 1
Assessment: Cool commercial. I like it. But after a whole season of it, I’m going to want both those guys dead.
Derek Jeter will make an amazing play
Odds: OFF
Assessment: Remember when he dove into the stands for a foul ball two years ago while Nomar moped in the dugout? Sox fans can say whatever they want about Jeter (and they do) but at the end of the day, he’s just one of those guys who has “it” and any manager would love to have him.
The Yankees win the division
Odds: 2 to 1
Assessment: Nine years in a row.