Wrestlemania 22 Diary
Messageboard Legend TheBon Recaps All The Action
6:57 PM – Coming to you LIVE from Bon’s Basement in The Wu a running diary of Wrestlemania 22. Message board icon TheBon is joined by Bon’s Dad, Brother Mark, brother-in-law Bill, Sister Christina, friend Daisy and 3-year old Alex L.
7:00 – Warning to not record Wrestlemania 22 shows on the screen- Hey Mark, hit record! Sellout crowd at the All-State Arena in Chicago, Illinois. Michelle Williams sings America the Beautiful and all around the arena are banners of the WWE Superstars.
7:03 - Wrestlemania highlight video tribute from Wrestlemania’s 1-21, from Hogan/Mr.T, Savage, Flair, Hitman, Andre, Road Warriors, Ultimate Warriors, Jesse Ventura, Kane/Undertaker, Rock/Hogan. This turns into a recap of tonight’s featured matches.
7:08 – Firework City inside the arena and good ole’ JR is going crazy, the over/under for slobber knockers tonight is 45.
7:09 – The coolest superstar in the WWE, Carlito, hits the ring. Carlito is teamed with Chris "the Masterpiece Masters," who is a c
urrent day, rip off 
of Lex Lugar’s Narcissist character from the mid-90’s.
They face the Tag Team Champs, Big Show and Kane. We are introduced to the three announce teams at ringside, JR/The King for Raw, Michael Cole/Tazz for Smackdown and the dreaded Spanish Announce Team. Tito Santana was not at ring side.
7:15 – An exposed turnbuckle gets Big Show down for the first time tonight. Kane gets taken down as well but does the old “sit up” move made famous by him and his brother the Undertaker. Grabs Carlito for a choke slam….1….2…..3…and still Tag Team champs- Kane and Big Show
7:22 – Money in the Bank Ladder Match. Winner gets a title shot anytime in the next 12 months. Participants Finlay, Rob Van Dam, Lashley, Matt Hardy, Shelton Benjamin and Ric WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Flair, the 16-time World Champ.
7:27 – RVD pulls an over-the-top-rope cross body onto Matt Hardy and Lashley, unreal move. Running swanton bomb, up a ladder and out over the top rope onto 4 wrestlers by Benjamin.
7:29 – Matt Hardy does a suplex from the top of a ladder onto Flair and JR thinks Ric Flair “has been broken in half." The EMT’s come down to the ring and wheel Flair back to the dressing room.
7:32 – Finlay throws a ladder at RVD, Hardy and Lashley to clear the ring. Camera pans to the entrance…WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Ric Flair is back. Finlay runs out of the ring to meet him in the walkway.
7:35 – Hardy gives Finlay some Rock Bottom-type move off the ladder to the ring floor, RVD then splashes Finlay off the top of the ladder. Benjamin and Hardy are fighting at the top of a ladder and RVD is back up to join in. Hardy and Benjamin are kicked off the ladder to the outside of the ring; RVD grabs the suitcase and is the Money in the Bank winner!
7:43 – The 2006 Hall of Fame Class is reintroduced to the crowd. Mean Gene, Sensational Sherri, The Blackjacks, Verne Gagne, William Perry and Eddie Guerrero (Chavo Guerrero and Eddie’s widow wife accept the applause) Howard Finkel tells the crowd that Bret Hart chose not to participate in this tonight. BOOOOOOO
7:49 – US Championship match, Chris Benoit vs. challenger JBL. Jillian Hall, JBL’s escort is looking F-I-N-E! http://www.wwe.com/superstars/smackdown/jillian/photoshoot/
7:53 – 4 minutes of boring mat technical wrestling by Benoit and JBL. Time to order food. Tonight’s meal is sponsored by The Outback Steakhouse. I went with an Outback special and those steroid wings.
8:00 – Crippler Cross face by Benoit but JBL rolls him over, grabs the ropes and 1…..2….3…NEW US CHAMP…John Bradshaw Layfield.
8:04 – Mick Foley vs. Edge in a Hardcore Match. I am sure Foley will take some crazy ass bumps in this match.
8:06 – Joey “ag” Syles joins JR and King for this match. Edge walks to the ring with a Louisville Slugger borrowed from Jim Thome.
8:07 – Foley heads to the ring, probably weighing 330 lbs. Somehow, I gotta take Edge in this.
8:09 – Cookie sheet to Foley's, 2nd and 3rd shot to the face of Foley…OUCH! Edge spears Foley but appears injured from it. Foley gets up and takes his flannel off (luckily for us he had a 2nd one on underneath) and has barbwire wrapped around his waist.
8:13 – Now battling on the outside Edge tosses Foley into the metal stairs and Foley looks beaten.
8:15 – Edge has some lighter fluid and douses a table with it and heads back in the ring. Foley hits Edge with the cookie sheet and then goes outside to add more fluid to the table.
8:18 – Edge grabs a sack of thumbtacks and dumps them in a corner of the ring. Foley reverses a back body drop and Edge lands on all of the thumbtacks…Tacks are all in Edge’s back…
8:20 – Foley is now looking like he's in The Passion of the Christ. http://www.sacticket.com/static/movies/news/images/0227passion1.jpg
8:21 – Lita sets the table on fire and Foley is standing above it outside on the apron. Edge comes across and spears Foley through the middle rope and both wrestlers go into the table which is in flames!!! Quickly the flames go out and Edge pulls the 1…2…….3…for the win.
8:24 – To recap what we just saw, “Holy Shit, Holy Shit, Holy Shit!”
8:27 – Tonight’s event was sponsored by Snickers and one of the backstage announce kids is interviewing our two internet winners. These are probably to two most awful looking women in Chicago. They ask them both how many Snickers bars they have eaten tonight and one mumbles “Five” and the other “Six”. The 2nd lady was also missing about four teeth.
8:29 – Next up Booker T and wife Sharmel vs. The Boogeyman
8:32 – Boogeyman is unbeaten thus far in WWE action. He is the 2006 version of Papa Shango http://www.obsessedwithwrestling.com/pictures/g/godfather/18.jpg , plus he eats worms.
8:37 – Boogeyman finishes this awful match off by kissing Sharmel with a mouthful of worms and then pinning Booker T.
8:42 – Women’s Championship on the line next. Champ Trish Stratus vs. Mickie James. The crowd is cheering for Mickie James the entire match. This match is boring as well, check on the baseball game and it’s a rain delay…Sweet back to wrestling then.
8:48 – Alex the 3 year old watching here, challenges the house to a wrestling match. I quickly accept the challenge and tombstone him, cover his 24 lb body and take his replica belt.
8:51 – A nip slip by Mickie James saves the value of this match.
8:53 – 1…2…3…new champ Mickie James. Lots of “overrated, overrated” chants directed at Trish.
8:57 – Druids and a casket head to the ring, Mark Henry follows. There is a great sign at ringside “Casket Size XXXXXXXXL” for Henry.
9:00 – Lights go out……GONG…..GONG…….GONG….fire, flames and brimstone. The Undertaker heads to the ring with his 13-0 Wrestlemania record on the line. JR compares the UT record to Joe DiMaggio’s 56 game hit streak and the Celtics' 16 Championship Banners! Unreal!!
9:12 – Undertaker and Henry roll around for 12 minutes or so, finally Undertaker Tombstones Henry and rolls him into the casket to move to 14-0.
9:20 – After a 5 minute video recap of the Vince McMahon/Shawn Michaels feud, “No Chance” hits and Vince heads to the ring.
9:23 – McMahon is on the outside and there is a framed photo and he reveals his cover on Muscle and Fitness Magazine. http://www.magazines.com/magcom/covers/0/06/088/0060884.jpg
9:25 – HBK gets a hold of the photo and bashed Vince on the head. Then the Spirit Squad runs to the ring and its 5 on 1. After beating on HBK for the better part of five minutes, HBK clears the ring of the Spirit Squad.
9:33 – Shane McMahon pops out from under the ring with hand cuffs, fights HBK but HBK cuffs Shane to the middle rope and then proceeds to beat his ass with a kendo stick.
9:35 – JR is now calling Shawn Michaels, Shane Michaels and calling Shane McMahon, Shane McMichaels. Please bring Joey Styles back right now.
9:40 – HBK pulls a 30-foot ladder out from under the ring and sets it up with Vince now laying on a table with a trash can over his head. HBK climbs to the top and gives a Degeneration X “suck it” crotch chop to everyone and leaps down on Vince. WOWOWOWOW!!!
9:43 – After lying there for a minute or so, HBK gets up and so does Vince. HBK then nails the loudest super kick I’ve ever heard. 1….2…..3….Winner HBK and no appearance by Bret Hart.
9:50 – WWE Heavyweight Championship Triple Threat Match with Rey Mysterio, Kurt Angle and Randy Orton. Mysterio enters with a LIVE Latin band singing his entrance music. Followed by Orton and Angle.
10:00 – Lots of fast action in this one and guys taking huge bumps. Crowd is booing Mysterio all night long. “Let’s go Angle” chants from 17,000 strong in Chicago.
10:04 – Angle now in control. Angle slam reversed by Mysterio, 619 on Orton, crowd booing still and Mysterio gets the 1..2..3 on Orton to become the new WWE Heavyweight Champion. Chavo Guerrero and Eddie’s Wife come out to celebrate with Rey.
10:08 – Camera back stage showing Cena getting ready. Crowd boos Cena whenever he appears on camera
10:09 – Triple H is shown backstage getting taped up and the crowd explodes.
10:11 – Playboy Pillow Fight between Candice Michelle http://www.divashots.com/candiceplayboy.html (NSFW) and Torrie Wilson http://www.celebsdb.com/pic/Torrie_Wilson/5.html (NSFW)
10:12 – MANZO GET THE LOTION!!!
10:15 – They roll around, take off their dresses and Wilson gets the pin after 5 minutes or so.
10:20 – Main Event….John Cena the WWE Champion vs. Triple H
10:21 – Triple H headed to the ring dressed as Conan the Barbarian. Then a Chicago mobster video plays and out comes some Dick Tracy mobster car and 6 gangsters get out with guns and looking pretty retarded. Then Cena’s music hits and he heads to the ring. Cena has a hat and mobster coat on and then drops the coat and has a machine gun which he fires into the crowd.
10:22 – Lillian Garcia announces both participants as if we are here for a 12 round boxing match. Crowd loves Triple H and HATES John Cena. Of all the people in Bon’s Basement only the 3 year old thinks Cena will win.
10:27 – The crowd boos every connect by Cena, explodes for every connect by Triple H.
10:36 – Fans taunt Cena with “I can see you” chants and “you can’t wrestle” chants.
10:37 – Triple H plays with the crowd after tossing Cena to the floor. The crowd loves it.
10:43 – Triple H and Cena exchange lefts and rights and with each punch the crowd is booing Cena and cheering Triple H even more.
10:46 – The referee is KO’d when Triple H low blows Cena in the corner and accidentally connects on both people.
10:47 – With Cena and referee down, Triple H gives Cena a DX crotch chop and then slugs him with the sledgehammer he brought into the ring.
10:48 – Cena kicks out at TWOOOOOOOOOO after the sledgehammer shot.
10:49 – Now Triple H sets up Cena for a Pedigree and Cena reverses the move into an FU….1…..2…..KICKOUT by Triple H.
10:50 – Back on their feet, Triple H gets Cena set up for another Pedigree try. Cena reverses this as well and sets in the XTFU (similar to Chris Benoit’s Crippler Cross face move). Cena makes Triple H tap out. John Cena keeps the belt, Bon’s Basement is stunned, the All-State Arena is stunned and the only person celebrating is 3 year old Alex, waving his hand in his face at us saying “you can’t see me” as he runs up the stairs in his Superman pajamas.
12:15 AM – Recap transferred from a note book to a word doc and sent to chisholm and el prez for posting in the Barstool Blog.