Worst Of Boston Sports
Every newspaper and magazine in Boston has a Best Of issue. Except Barstool. That's not the way we operate. Our readers aren't a bunch of brain-dead nitwits, hopelessly wandering the streets of Boston because they don't know which bar serves the best mojito. And we're not a bunch of 4th graders writing a newsletter about our classroom's hamster. Our readers don't need saccharine goodness. They need the unvarnished truth. And we aren't afraid to dwell on what sucks in Boston. So instead of breaking the news to our readers that Grill 23 is a good restaurant or that David Ortiz is popular, here's a preview of what could be coming in the near future- The Barstool Sports Worst Of Issue.
Worst Patriot Player: Chad Brown. His early season partner in the linebacking corps, Monty Beisel, was his main competition. Brown earns Worst Of recognition over Beisel because his job was easier than Beisel's and he still was a season-long no-show.
Worst Red Sox Player: Matt Clement. Fellow pitchers Rudy Seanaz and Julian Tavarez were his toughest competition but Clement is the winner among the losers. I'm tired of hearing about how he still hasn't recovered from getting drilled in Tampa. If that's the case, then hang 'em, Matt, because major league baseball isn't going to let you pitch behind a screen anytime soon.
Worst Bruins Player: Hal Gill. He's tall. That's really the only positive thing I have to say about him.
Worst Celtics Player: Al Jefferson. I'm not taking the easy way out and picking on Mark Blount. I'm singling out Al. Why? Because he showed me nothing positive last season. I have serious doubts that he'll ever fit in on Danny Ainge's up-tempo Celtics. Why Ainge didn't grab Josh Smith, a player tailor-made for a run 'n' gun system, I'll never know.
Worst Coach: Doc Rivers. He's like a laid-back version of K.C. Jones. Only problem is that Jones' teams had loads of talent, Rivers' team doesn't.
Worst Arena: Fenway Park. Everyone loves friendly Fenway. Except me. The seats suck. The concessions are nasty. Anytime the temperature moves north of 70, the concourses are like a concrete rain forest, except way sweatier and with a more potent sausage smell. The blocking of Yawkey Way makes it far more difficult to get in and out of the park. And while there may be amazing concession stands somewhere under the bleachers, the walk from anywhere other than the bleachers is a nightmare. I could walk to the Hilltop Steakhouse from the third base seats quicker than I could get to the bleacher concession area.
Most Overrated Sports Moment: Doug Flutie's Dropkick. Really. This was historic? Doug Flutie kicks a ball through the uprights in a meaningless game. It was a joke, a rare glimpse of Bill Belichick's sense of humor but there's a reason that it was the first dropkick in 50-years. Because it's dumb. Is it really an accomplishment when you run a trick play that earns you fewer points than you could have earned by doing the basic play?
Most Overused Sports Quip: "Is Menino going to have a parade for (insert former Boston athlete here)?" We get it. Having the parade for Ray Bourque was embarrassing. But it was years ago. Since then, the Red Sox and Patriots have both had legitimate world championship parades. Once the Heat won the NBA Title, it took about five seconds before guys all over Boston were making the exact same, lame joke.
Most Ridiculous Fenway Park Rule: No beer guys walking around the park. All it means is that every time someone goes into the sweat factory to get a beer they buy two. And if the guy's smart, he buys two, walks three feet away, puts their beers down someplace he can watch them and then gets back in line for two more.
Most Overused Go-To Story by the Boston Media: (tie) Why the Yankees are still dangerous and Bill Belichick is boring. Without fail both the Herald and Globe will publish virtually identical takes on these same two stories approximately 12,000 times during the calendar year.
Worst Media Idea of the Year: Charging for the Boston Sports Review. I think I understand the reasoning behind this one. Let's say that you're a Boston sports fan and you love reading about the local teams. But you hate reading stories for free on boston.com, bostonherald.com, barstoolsports.com, espn.com, cnnsi.com, cbssportsline.com, yahoo.com and usatoday.com. And you really hate timely information. Then the Boston Sports Review is exactly what you're looking for.
Most Overrated Sports Announcer: Jerry Remy. He spends 90% of every broadcast hyping his own website.
Most Overrated Quasi-Sporting Event: The Head of the Charles. I defy anyone to explain to me how this is fun. And don't say because you're drinking. The question is: How fun is it to sit along the Charles and watch paddlers minus the booze?
Most Hysterical Website: Dirt Dogs. And not in the hysterical funny way. I'm talking about hysterical like how your girlfriend gets when you mention that her mother is annoying. Dirt Dogs is hell-bent on being controversial. Whatever the popular opinion is, Dirt Dogs goes against it. Damon's returning. Fans who boo him should be locked up. Pedro's returning. Fans who boo him should be given a free Jimmy Fallon autographed Dirt Dog t-shirt. You can't be the contrarian all the time.
Worst College Sports Environment: Tailgating for BC football games. This isn't a knock on BC students or alums. They do the best with what the school and Newton gives them. But between the ridiculous traffic jams, the Farva-esque campus police, the mandatory early exits after games and the frequent early start times, anyone looking for an authentic college sports environment better head south until they hit State College.
Most Overrated Great Boston Athlete: Tedy Bruschi. Richard Seymour and his buddies on the defensive line make Bruschi look better than he really is.
Jamie Chisholm