The World Cup

Dear sports fans,

This letter is not for those hardened souls out there who are determined to bemoan and belittle soccer at every turn. Those of you who can’t get over the fact that it’s the feet and not the hands that do the work. Those of you who can’t fathom the idea that the world may have something as exciting as the Super Bowl or Fiesta Bowl or World Series to offer us.

This letter is for the sports fans out there who end up watching the Indianapolis 500 even though they don’t know IRL from TRL. This letter is for the sports fans out there that play in every fantasy league from baseball to bass fishing to NASCAR just because they can’t stand to miss out on a chance to get involved in a sport. This letter is for the sports fans who can find an excuse to go to a bar at noon on a Saturday and cheer for their country.

With the World Cup only weeks away, the planet’s sports fans are gearing up for a solid month of passion and pain, lunacy and life or death games, drinks, drinks and more drinks. Why not join them?

The World Cup is a ridiculously exiting, tumultuous, pressure-filled month long event and a great TV experience. And you don’t need to be a soccer expert to enjoy it. My soccer knowledge is marginal at best. I know only the best teams, the best players and have a decent idea about the players on the US team. If I was a Red Sox fan and had the same credentials, I would hate me. But soccer is a game that lends itself more to passion than precision, more to excitement than expertise.

Virtually, every little kid in America has played soccer and guess what- the game hasn’t changed. It’s the most popular sport in the world for a reason- it’s the easiest one to understand. You have eleven players, a ball and you use your feet. That’s all you need to know to adequately follow the game. Sure, you may not grasp the offside trap but no one really does.

Here are five reasons why you may want to give the World Cup a try.

1. Passion. As Boston sports fans, we know something about passion. There’s a reason why Fever Pitch, a book detailing a fan’s obsession with the Arsenal soccer team, was made into a movie about the Red Sox. If you were a fan in Houston or Miami or Phoenix where sports is an activity and a night out on the town, you couldn’t understand how addictive the collective passion of sports fans can be. But as someone who has stood shoulder-to-shoulder in a packed bar watching David Ortiz or Tom Brady, and living and dying with every foul ball or missed tackle, you’ll fit right in with the World Cup fans.
2. National Pride. National teams just don’t work here in America. We’re a superpower. If we don’t win the gold in basketball at the Olympics, big deal. We lose out in the World Baseball Championship, who cares. The only time we actually get behind our national teams is when the US is a tremendous underdog. And guess what. In the World Cup, the US is not only the underdog, we’re the underdog that no one, anywhere, other than in the headquarters of Nike and Adidas, wants to ever win this thing. Never. The rest of the world would probably rather give up the sport entirely than see the US win the World Cup. Why? Because it’s the only thing the rest of the world has over us. Why not rain on their parade? Is there anything more American than that?
3. National Hatred. Sure, everyone hates the American team but there’s a lot of hatred to go around. And if you’re not into passion or national pride, some unadulterated hatred will surely get you involved. Let’s see England hates France. England hates Germany. England hates Argentina. And those countries all hate England. Brazil and Argentina aren’t exactly good buddies. The Dutch and Germans have a wee bit of history. As do Poland and Germany. Actually, pretty much every group of European fans is still pissed about World War II. Japan and Korea have a solid World War II hatred going to. Think Yankees- Red Sox gets testy? Wait until the English and German fans meet on the streets. A Germany Sucks chant will be the least of anyone’s problems.
4. Feet Are Pretty Good. I played baseball and basketball growing up. I have kickass hand-eye coordination. I understand the frustration of some non-soccer fans with the whole no-hands thing. But the World Cup features the best of the best. These guys will do things with their feet that will leave you breathless. Players like Ronaldinho of Brazil, Thierry Henry of France and David Beckham of England will do things with the ball that will make you grab for your Tivo remote. The players are bigger, stronger and faster than you realize. There is more physical contact than you realize and there is more talent than you can believe.
5. Drinks Are Very Good. Want to know where you’ll be watching the World Cup? Probably a bar. Why? Because the World Cup is a communal activity. And unlike the 2002 World Cup from Japan and South Korea, this World Cup is in Germany and the TV schedule was made with the east coast of the US in mind. The US plays games at 10AM, noon and 3 PM. And you won’t be drinking alone because the bars will be packed. We spend half of our lives looking for a socially acceptable reason to be drinking before noon. Well, now you have one. Become part of the world and get shitfaced at 10 in the morning.