Winnie Cooper and my Other Television Girlfriends
Growing up, we find certain cultural touchstones which help center our lives. Events, people and relationships are all seen from through the shading of your chosen touchstone. For me, it was Winnie Cooper of The Wonder Years. When The Wonder Years premiered, it so happened that I was the same age as the characters and Winnie Cooper became my siren song. My fertile, hormonally charged mind designed elaborate scenarios in which I would run into Winnie and sweep those dorky glasses right off her olive-skinned face. My infatuation for Winnie was just the beginning of a long running series of mental dalliances I would enjoy with the finest television vixens of the day. I’m sure that anyone born from the mid-70’s to early 80’s has taken his fair share of mental liberties with this select bunch of television characters. The list is comprised of not necessarily the hottest women on television because let’s face it: not many 12 year olds were up watching Dynasty or Dallas. Rather, it is a list of the television stars of the shows we grew up with; long before we were old enough to actually know how to converse with real live girls.
Top 10 Girls I Grew Up Loving
1. Winnie Cooper (Danica McKellar) The Wonder Years- Winnie is definitely not as hot as some of the actresses to follow but she had an outstanding believability factor. My young mind developed a perfectly rational explanation as to why I would have a shot with Winnie: “She’s with Fred Savage and he’s a troll doll who throws a football like a girl. I can throw a football and I peg my jeans and I have several Champion sweatshirts of various colors which I can wear with or without a turtleneck. That girl is mine.” And not to get to overexcited and end up on a FBI watchlist but episodes with Winnie in her field hockey uniform were the stuff of young boys’ dreams.
2. Samantha Micelli (Alyssa Milano) Who’s the Boss?- She was like the photo negative of the dreadful Tina Yothers project. Here was an actress growing up on camera and every single episode she was better looking. There can’t be a man alive between the ages of 25 and 35 who didn’t at least once pray to God that by some strange fluke of the universe he would end up next to Alyssa Milano on a plane or some other ridiculous dream scenario.
3. Jamie Powell (Nicole Eggert) Charles in Charge- If Charles was really in charge, he sure as hell would have been spending less time with his curly haired boyfriend, Willie Ames, and been drilling spy holes into Jamie Powell’s room. The producers of this show really missed the boat on this one. I mean Charles was only in college and here he was with some hot teenager and he never even glances in her direction. Unfathomable.
4. Kelly Kapowski (Tiffani-Amber Thiessen) Saved by the Bell- Before I get to the wonderful ride which has been the life of Ms. Thiessen, could someone please tell what deal with the devil Converse signed to outfit Zack Morris in ridiculous Converse high-tops throughout the run of the show? But enough about him, back to Kelly. Perhaps the best thing about Kelly was that could watch her year round with all off the summer episodes and repeats that aired. The producers were always on the ball and Kelly was never involved in an activity that didn’t require her to lose some clothing- whether it was cheerleading, swimming, tanning or showering. Oops, got a little too excited.
5. Daisy Duke (Catherine Bach) Dukes of Hazard- Daisy Duke was a glorious idea of what was to come. Growing up, you knew she was out of reach; she had a good 20 years on you. But she provided a preview of the type of women who would salivate over later in life. Minus the yokel upbringing and incestuous underpinnings of the show.
6. Stacey Carosi (Leah Remini) Saved by the Bell- God bless summer episodes. Stacey was a much needed boost to the Saved cast. Just a few years older than the other characters, she was seldom realized dream of all younger men. Still looks great today. Though that isn’t hard today standing next to Kevin James. Gave Kelly Kapowski a run for her money and even won a disputed beauty contest against the future Valerie Malone.
7. Becky Slater (Crystal McKellar) The Wonder Years- The real life sister of my beloved, Winnie Cooper, Becky emerged several seasons into the show’s run. As with her sister, she gets big-time points for the believability factor. Brought an “I am woman, hear me roar” attitude to the show and basically bitchslapped Kevin around each half hour.
8. Stacey Sheridan (Heather Locklear) T.J. Hooker- I can’t remember much about her actual role in the show other then her ability to throw her baton and trip up a fleeing suspect. But the images of her running in her uniform are still burned into my mind.
9. Lady Jaye, G.I. Joe- Before Jessica Rabbit there were few female cartoon characters that would make you sit up and take notice. Besides fawning over the female tiger-thingy from Thundercats which obviously raised serious questions, Lady Jaye went into war ready and determined to apparently burst out of her shirt. The first in a line of vampish American fighting women, Lady Jaye was like a Colorado place-kicker at Joe headquarters.
10. Random minority supporting character. The 80’s were a wonderful time for television. Unless you weren’t white. If you weren’t white, your only hope of appearing regularly on TV was as either a character on the Cosby Show or a supporting comical character on a whitebread sitcom. I was fairly urban in my youth. My brother had a Triple Fat Goose and I had a black kid in my class so I think I am more or less an expert on the matter of race relations in the 1980’s. But for what little work there was, several outstanding characters could easily make a young boy listen to NWA, praying his parents wouldn’t open his door. We all loved watching Tootie grow up and out and out and out on Facts of Life. And Saved by the Bell’s Lisa Turtle was stuck with Screech, the ultimate insult. I mean if the producers were so terrified of her hooking up with one of the white guys, couldn’t they have at least created some other fictional black person at the school? Bayside looked like Little Rock elementary circa 1955.