Who Do We Root For Now?
Okay now that the Patriots have officially been eliminated/scammed out of the playoffs, we’re forced with the unenviable task of figuring out whom to root for the rest of the way. Unless of course you are one of the people who are just going to pretend the playoffs aren’t even happening, but I’m not at that point yet. Sure I’m disgusted and outraged that we didn’t get a chance to defend our title, but at least nobody can say they beat us. It’s kind of like when Mike Tyson went to jail. I still watched boxing even though I knew whoever had the belt was just a paper champion. Same thing goes here. So without further ado here is how I rank this years playoff teams from the least despicable to the most despicable.
12. Cardinals- The Cardinals would be the perfect team to win the Superbowl. I mean they’ve sucked for so long that it’s impossible for anybody to hate them. And let’s not forget that Kurt Warner wrote Bill Belichick that nice letter congratulating him for being God which I thought was nice. Unfortunately the Pats have a better chance of winning it this year than they do. Regardless I’ll be rooting for them.
11. Falcons – Contrary to popular belief I actually like Matt Ryan. Combine this with the fact that there is no such thing as an Atlanta Sports fan and the Falcons would be another ideal team to win the superbowl. Not only would it be a great story, but nobody would be able to brag about it since they have no fans.
10. Vikings- If the Vikings win the Superbowl does that count as a championship for us since we use the state of Minnesota as our farm system? I think it may count. But I still don’t want Adrian Peterson to win a Superbowl before he becomes a Patriot. I want him nice and motivated when we trade a bag of footballs for him which you know is eventually going to happen.
9. Panthers- The Panthers are the first team that I think have a legitimate chance to win and I’d be cool with. I’ve been a Jake Delhomme fan ever since we beat the Panthers in the superbowl. I also respect the fact that they are one of the few teams that we’ve beaten this century that didn’t cry like a little baby afterwards. They took their beating like a man. So if we can’t win it (which I hear we can’t) I’d be happy with them getting one.
8. Titans- The Titans are another team that has a legit shot and I’d have absolutely no problems with them winning. I like Jeff Fisher and we really have no history with them with the exception of that one playoff game in sub artic temperatures that we obviously won. In fact the most upset I’ve ever been with Tennessee is when they came 1 yard short in the superbowl because I had the over.
7. Dolphins – Despite the fact they are our division rival and I hate Bill Parcells, I somehow don’t hate the Dolphins. Maybe it’s the fact they’ve sucked for so long or that I don’t mind Chad Pennington. Either way I can think of worse teams to win than them. I don’t think they have a shot in hell, but it wouldn’t crush me if they pulled off a miracle.
6. Ravens- The Ravens are the last team that I think has a realistic chance to run the table and that wouldn’t bother me if they won. As a reminder the other two are Carolina and Tennessee. Now if this was last year the Ravens would be at the bottom of my list because I despise Brian Billick. But with him gone I really don’t hate them anymore. In fact their success this year is kind of like a giant FU to Billick so that actually gives me a little bit of a reason to root for them.
5. Steelers- I hate the Steelers, but in a weird way I kind of respect their fans. Regardless having said that I definitely don’t want Big Ben to get his 2nd superbowl title especially since we already gift wrapped him the first one. That was the year we lost to Denver going for the 3peat in a game which we dominated from start to finish but kept making unforced errors and stupid mistakes. If we played Denver 100 times we would have beat them 99 times that year and none of them would have been close. That loss still haunts me because if we didn’t choke in that game, we would have destroyed Pittsburgh at home the next week and then rolled over Seattle and become the first 3peat champions in the history of the league. It would just suck to watch Pittsburgh win another championship without having to go through us since everybody knows they can’t beat us in the playoffs.
4. Eagles – We can’t have the Eagles win the superbowl the same year the Phillies won the World Series. Because if they did you know they’d try to lay claim on the title of Title Town USA. No fucking thanks. That’s like taking money out of my pocket with my title town t-shirts.
3. Chargers- Without a doubt the Chargers are the whiniest bunch of cunts in the league. I mean they are the only team that would have the balls to try and act like they deserved to be in the playoffs with an 8-8 record. Honestly they talk more trash when they lose than all the other teams combined when they win. Therefore can you imagine how insufferable they’d be if they actually did something? Unfortunately it wouldn’t shock if they made a run because the only team that seems capable of beating them in the playoffs isn’t in them this year and that would be us.
2. Giants- I still think the Giants are the team to beat, but I hope I’m wrong. Bottom-line is that as long as these guys are the reigning champs we’ll keep getting the 18-1 thing stuffed in our faces. If somebody beats them then they instantly become just another flash in the pan team and we’re still the team of the decade.
1. Colts – Believe it or not, the game we blew vs. the Colts in the AFC Championship is still the most painful Boston sports loss for me in my lifetime. I swear I have nightmares about it once a week. If only we converted that 3rd and 2 we win that game, we win the Superbowl and Peyton Manning is still known as a loser who can’t win the big one. Unfortunately that one play erased an entire career of failure for Manning and changed his legacy from a guy who couldn’t win the big one, to being one of the greatest QB’s of all time. I can’t even begin to tell you how much that pains me Now the real scary thing is that if he and Dungy can somehow get one more Superbowl title under their belt the line will gets blurred on who was the best team of the decade because suddenly the Colts will have two titles and we will still be stuck on 3. I’d rather stick needles in my eyes than watch that happen.