Tuesday Night at The Garden
Well with not much going on between now and the NCAA Tournament, basically all we have to entertainment ourselves around here besides Barstool parties and American Idol are the Celtics and the Bruins. So last Tuesday night my girlfriend was able to score half-price tickets for the latter (there’s no way we’re paying full price) as YOUR red hot Boston Bruins took on the Ottawa Senators. Now admittedly there’s not much B’s talk here at The Stool, however today I’m breaking down what I liked and what I didn’t like about my experience last Tuesday night at The Garden.
Liked: Husband and wife matching Terry O’Reilly jerseys
Right off the bat one of the first things I noticed was a husband and wife couple sitting behind the Bruins net wearing matching home/road Terry O’Reilly jerseys. Now nothing says “love” like matching O’Reilly jerseys. Nothing. It’s obvious this couple will be together for the long haul watching Classic Bruins on NESN. I’m no Doctor Phil, but any time they have some kind of argument they’ll just starting hitting each other with one another’s shoes (like O’Reilly did at MSG) and just kind of laugh it off. Seeing this couple at the start of the game showed me this was no “pink hat crowd” like you’ll sometimes see at Fenway, these B’s fans are die-hards. I even overheard 2 strangers talking 4 on 4 strategy in the shitter.
Disliked: $18.50 for 2 beers and a hot dog
As the first period was winding down I made my way to the concession stand and bought 2 beers and a hot dog. Pretty standard order, right? The price - $18.50. Now I was so hungry I didn’t even question it at the time, but once I sat back down I literally spent the next 10 minutes trying to figure out what the fuck I paid for each item. Were the beers $6 and the hot dog $6.50? Was the hot dog $6 and the beers $6.25? Or was the hot dog $5 and the 2 beers $6.75? Whatever it was I couldn’t figure out the math, and each combination was getting me more and more upset. I know Jacobs makes his living nickel and diming people to death, but how could it be $18.50 for 2 beers and a hot dog? As Seinfeld once said, “Oh, it be.”
Liked: The Ice Girls
Next to a fight or a Bruins’ goal, the loudest ovation at The Garden always goes to the Ice Girls. And for good reason – these chicks are hot. In fact, you may have seen some of them right here on the pages of The Stool. What they do a few times a game is parade around the rink in half-shirts and spandex pants and give away free t-shirts to the over-paying customers. Sometimes they’ll throw them into the crowd, sometimes they’ll use a grenade launcher. Either way, even an organization as historically mismanaged as the Bruins know that people will kill for a free t-shirt when they’re paying $80 a seat, especially when they’re being distributed by hot chicks. It doesn’t take a genius to realize this makes for a better viewing experience during a timeout than staring at the ice.
Disliked: Honorary Zamboni rides
Huh? Now I’m not sure how new this is at Bruins games, but this was easily the most awkward portion of the evening. If you’re not familiar, in between periods 2 fans at random get selected to be “honorary Zamboni riders” for the night and get escorted around the ice by the Zamboni driver. I like the concept - who doesn’t want to ride the Zamboni? But the conversation just has to be brutal…
“So, how long you’ve been driving the Zamboni?” “38 years.” “Cool”. “First time on one?” “Yeah.” “Good game so far…” “Yeah, good game.” I mean that’s gotta be the gist of every conversation. What else is there to say?
Disliked: Refs call too many penalties
Now first of all I played hockey from age 5 to age 22, and while I’m certainly no NHL expert like Barry Mulletrose, I’m still very familiar with the game. True, I understand the league is trying to clean up the game but some of these penalties were simply NOT penalties. For example, the refs called a guy for hooking when he barely tugged on the other guy’s jersey. That’s just not a penalty. Then the ref realizes it was a bad call, even though according to the new rules it’s not, and awards a “make up call” like 30 seconds later. Awesome. We’ll see if the rules changes eventually help the NHL but I just don’t see how lightly tugging on the jersey is an infraction.
Liked: Ric Flair “Whooooo!” After Each B’s Goal
Anytime you bring the Nature Boy into the equation you’ve got to like your chances for successful entertainment. Thankfully the Bruins scored 4 times so we got 4 “Whoooos!” during the game. That’s $14 a “Whoo” by my calculation. Anyway if you extend your hands like Flair and pretend to do the strut it’s even funnier, but that’s kind of tough at the game. The Bruins preface the “Whooo” with the “Oh-oh-oh-OH-oh” song which is kind of tired, but like Ric Flair himself, somehow the “Whooooo!” just never gets old.
So that concludes my first ever, Bruins Breakdown Bonanza. By the way, the B’s ended up winning 4-0, Ottawa was shutout for the second straight game and the next day they fired their coach. And while true, I know there’s a salary cap in hockey, but $18.50 for 2 beers and a hot dog is insane. Forget Roger Clemens, the Congress should be looking into this. Either way, it was the best thing I could come up with for a Tuesday night and it certainly was a good time. In fact, it made me miss playing hockey (sniffle, sniffle…) Hey, as long as the Ice Girls are well compensated and I can get half-price tickets again, I’m sure I’ll be back soon.