“That’s Where They Getcha”
It’s unclear, really, where the origins of “they getcha” stem from. A long lost buddy of mine once claimed his grandfather – an old, bitter degenerate, invented the phrase “That’s where they getcha” during The Depression. Certainly possible, sure, but it’s never been proven. Now regardless of who started the expression, what’s clear is that “they getcha” on everything as a consumer in this world. Sometimes you know who’s ripping you off, sometimes you don’t. Now you could probably write a book on all the things in this world where “they getcha”, but for now, here are the worst ones I could find.
“$1 Upgrade on a Rental Car” – For all you conspiracy theorists, this is a classic case of the imaginary “they”, because unlike some of these other ones where it’s the State, the casino, the realtor, etc., you can’t pinpoint exactly who is “getting you” on this one. All you know is that somebody is behind it. I rent cars all the time – the normal price is around $39/day. What the rental car agencies do (in connection with the government…?) is offer to upgrade your car for “only” a dollar more. Sounds great, right? No, it’s not. It took me 5 times to realize I was getting scammed. By whom, again, I don’t know. But when you upgrade from a compact to a full-size, you get robbed on the gas. What happens is you accept the $1 upgrade, but then end up paying more to refill the tank than you do to rent the car! Are they really making that much off the extra $1? They can’t be. Just trust me, they getcha on the $1 upgrade.
“Hotel Servi-Bar” – I don’t care what hotel you’re staying in, it should not cost $8 for the Snickers bar in your in-room fridge. It just can’t. I mean there’s has to be some kind of government regulation here. Once you open that door, it’s like you get time warped to Beverly Hills in the year 2095. $8 for a Snickers… really?? You’d think the $350 night you’re paying would be sufficient for a reasonable priced candy bar.
“Razor blades” – Slowly but surely this is becoming the scam of the century. I was at CVS the other day, they wanted $18 for 5 razor blades. $18! These people should be arrested, how can they get away charging $18 for 5 pieces of metal? The actual razor is probably the buy of a lifetime – I’ve had the same one for 5 years and I’m getting like .005 cents per shave on this thing. However the blades on the other hand are a joke. Clearly “they getcha” on the blades.
“Departure Tax” – I was on vacation a few years back in the Bahamas where I just spent 4 days getting slaughtered at the $25 minimum tables at the casino. Anyway, I’m dying to get back home after a miserable trip, but before I waved goodbye to the new palm trees I paid for, they kicked me in the coconuts with a $15 “departure tax”. Huh? What are you supposed to do, stay? They could make this $1000, you have to pay it. I thought we got a good deal on the plane fare and hotel, frankly. But of course they got me… they got me on the departure tax.
“Realtor Fee” – Another joke. If you live in the city you’ve probably been a victim of this non-sense at some point in your life. Case in point – real estate lady shows you a $1500/month apartment. It takes friggin’ 3 minutes to walk around the place and decide if you like it. “Okay, I’ll take it.” “Oh, last thing before you sign the lease – by the way, $1500 for the 3 minutes it took me to show you the apartment.” $1500 for 3 minutes?? Arod doesn’t make that kind of money. Hookers, maybe. I understand the realtors aren’t going to do it for free, but how they can justify a full month’s rent for a 3 minute walking tour is absolutely beyond me. Obviously “they getcha” on the fee.
“The Deductible” – They always getcha on the deductible. Exhibit A - you get into an accident and your whole front-end is shot. Total cost: $5,500. But, lucky for you, you have insurance and everything will be paid for… right? Ah, nope. There’s still a little thing called a deductible you have to fork over before the insurance company picks up the rest. Where did it come from, why is it there? Nobody really knows. All we know is that you have to pay it. Same thing goes for hospital visits, or anything where insurance is involved. Even though we’ve been paying the premiums regularly for the last 29 years, they still getcha on the deductible.
“Tolls” – Say what you want about Connecticut, but they got rid of tolls back in the 80’s and states like Massachusetts and New York should do the same thing. We’re already paying a billion dollars in taxes, you can’t possibly squeeze any more money out of us. What are we getting for the tolls anyway? There’s potholes everywhere, you’re lucky if the bridge your on has even passed inspection, and if you’re in a tunnel in this state – don’t forget to put your windshield wipers on because there’s leaks all over the place. Tolls might be the worst “they getcha” of all time, especially when you’re sitting in line for one on a beautiful summer afternoon.
“Pen at the Dog Track” – You know how much they’re charging for a freakin’ pen at the dog track? 50 cents. I know that doesn’t sound like a lot, but a 20 pack of pens cost 3 bucks. I did the math, that’s like a 400% markup on the pen. It should not cost 50 cents to buy a pen at the track. They should be giving those away if they were smart. Anything to help you handicap should be complimentary because 9 out of 10 of us are going to lose anyway. Just give away the freakin’ pen.
“Green on Roulette” – Obviously there’s a million places in a casino where “they getcha”. The whole industry was founded on getting you. But you know how many people think they’re getting 50-50 odds when betting red and black on the roulette wheel? Way too many. These people keep forgetting about green 0 and 00, which of course reduces your odds to 47-53. Like I said, they get you everywhere in the casino, but green 0 and 00 seem to be the most popular place. (Note: A close second is the $1 ante at Caribbean Stud.)
“Comcast Hidden Fees” – I’m still not sure what was easier to figure out – the final scene of The Sopranos or my monthly bill from Comcast. They keep adding and subtracting channels, I’m at the point where I just assume I’m getting railed. Okay, I know what TVG is, I know what MLB Extra Innings is, I know what “Wild College Sex Parties 25” is, but what’s the $8 in “surcharges” all about? Again, like The Sopranos, nobody knows. It’s up to us to decide.