Stool Samples

It’s a sad day in the sports world when a new program can distinguish itself simply by providing thirty minutes of nothing but highlights. That’s the case for FSN’s new nightly highlight show, The Final Score.

Thirty minutes of nothing but highlights?

A revolutionary concept indeed.

The show bills itself as one with “no filler, no fluff” and executive producer Rick Jaffe says, “Unlike the sports highlights shows where the hosts have become the centerpiece rather than the highlights, and where content has been infused with extraneous commentary, Final Score offers nothing but highlights."

Translation: “This show is nothing like ESPN.”

After viewing several episodes, we’re fans, for no other reason than the audience gets exactly what the show says it will. Even with a mere thirty minutes for each broadcast, each game receives more attention and time than the “other” sports highlight show.

The one complaint we have about the program: too many things going on at one time. Try to picture the following on your TV screen: two thirds occupied by the highlights with the remaining third occupied by “The Rundown” (the rundown is comparable to PTI’s table of contents). The bottom of the screen features a scrolling ticker of scores and stats with the top of the screen featuring a scrolling ticker of news-related items, such as injuries and contract signings etc.

Not confusing enough? Then let’s add The Final Score logo in the upper right corner above The Rundown next to the scrolling news ticker, and have an oversized logo of the two teams whose highlights are currently being shown at the top of the list of Rundown contents next to the highlight portion of the screen.

Sure, this may seem really confusing in print form, but we’re guessing it won’t be much different when your eyes and ears try to comprehend everything flashing across the screen upon viewing. In other words, those prone to seizures need not watch.

Structural problems aside, The Final Score is a solid show for what it is; and it kind of reminded us of the 30 minute SportsCenter from “the good old days”.

We miss those days.

Crap that actually came from somebody’s mouth
“I wouldn’t (fire Dusty Baker).  They put all their eggs in one basket with Prior and Wood (and they got hurt).” – John Kruk

Fact: the Cubs are dead last in runs scored, dead last in team OB%.  Even if we subtract the two worst starting pitchers in the Cubbie staff (we do so assuming both wouldn’t be there had it not been for injuries), there are still 10 pitchers with an ERA at or over 5.00 (including Greg Maddux and that Mark Prior guy).  Fact: Anyone who puts their eggs in the Prior and Wood basket should be fired. 
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“He has been booed mercifully.” – Karl Ravech on Ryan Dempster

Um, Karl, that’s not really a bad thing.
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“It’s a three to four point game.” – Sean Salisbury on this coming February’s Super Bowl XLI

For all people looking to place a fictional wager on Salisbury’s fictional Super Bowl, now you have some insight.
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“I watched the whole darned thing today. Again, I came away wondering what the big deal is about a game in which both teams spend most of the game trying their very best not to score a goal.  They can score if they want to.” – Mike Celizic, msnbc.com on the World Cup Final

Mike watched one whole game of soccer and he’s got it all figured out – players just don’t want to score. 
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“If I had to pick an MVP of the first half, it would be David Wright.  He’s been huge for the Mets, hitting for power, hitting for average, and playing some tremendous defense.” – Steve Phillips, ESPN

Pujols was injured and sat out for three weeks yet still is ahead of Wright in all major offensive categories (Wright leads Pujols in SB’s) and Wright’s “tremendous” defense has him rated near the bottom amongst Major League third baseman in fielding percentage, zone rating and range factor, but Wright is probably more deserving.  After all, he plays in New York. 
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“You think of Albert Pujols to start and Wright’s like that horse that all the sudden showed up around turn two.” – Karl Ravech on the NL MVP race.

Actually that analogy would be totally correct if you replaced the words “around turn two” with “when the horse leading the race got injured and had to stop running for a furlong.”

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“Come on give her a break. She’s sixteen.” - Rob Dibble explaining why people shouldn’t be hard on Michelle Wie

And she’s also a professional who continues to try to play in the PGA even though she’s never won an LPGA event. We’re thinking that it’s okay to be critical of her, Rob.
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“I mention those extra base hits because those are the ones that hurt more than singles.” – Jon Miller, ESPN Sunday Night Baseball

“A guy who hits .280 can be a better hitter than a guy who hits .300 because he produces more runs.” – Joe Morgan, ESPN Sunday Night Baseball

Don’t let anyone ever tell you that Morgan and Miller aren’t students of the game.
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“In a short series, I don’t think it’s possible (for an NL team to beat an AL team).” – Steve Phillips, ESPN

Considering there is no way possible that an American League team and a National League team can meet in a five game series we’d say Steve is right on the money.
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“(Team USA) needs guys like Gilbert Arenas, who basically told Krzyzewski that he would crawl naked on his belly over three miles of broken glass in three inches of sulfuric acid to win back the gold medal.” – Mike Celizic, msnbc.com

If we did a power ranking of senile old men who write weird columns for nationally recognized web sites, Celizic has to be at or near the top

Quick Thought on the ESPY Awards
Unnecessary

Another Quick Thought on the ESPY Awards
Lance Armstrong was funny - especially for a man with one testicle.   (Hey, if Will Ferrell can make fun of Lance for that, so can we).

MSNBC Expert Analysis
NFL “Expert” (hey, don’t look at us, that’s what they call him) Don Pierson, recently penned a column about likely candidates for comeback player of the year for the upcoming NFL season.

Outside of the fact that this column could fall under the heading of “who cares” for most readers, this version was particularly appealing (read: stupid) in that Pierson rattles off 17 players who could potentially win the award. SEVENTEEN! And just how does the Expert make that list of 17 a little more stupid?

Why, he lists Randy Moss (8 TDs last year), Phillip Rivers (who is ‘coming back’ from two years of learning on the bench), and Ben Roethlisberger (who is ‘coming back from a motorcycle accident which occurred after leading his team to a Super Bowl title) as potential candidates for the award.

Many thanks to MSNBC for continuing to pump out quality Circus-worthy material.

Unsavvitude
While the NFL Live crew discussed the Patriots’ chance of winning the Super Bowl, the Big Savvy, Mark Schlereth, decided to voice his opinion by throwing out a word that doesn’t actually exist:

“My problem (with choosing the Pats as champs) is couplefold.”

Man, that’s just not savvy.