Stool Samples

Through no fault of its own existence, Twitter is fast becoming a haven for stupidity. It isn't Twitter itself that lends to stupidity so much as the mental acumen and decision making of some of its users. Twitter is giving a voice to the celebrity voiceless -- it's the playground for internal thoughts that would otherwise be too taboo for mainstream media.

Case in point, our good friend Chad Ochocinco (he who still has not publicly admitted that "eighty-five" in Spanish is actually "Ochenta y cinco"). After the news broke that Michael Jackson died Thursday afternoon - the same day as the beautiful Mrs. Fawcett - Ochocinco put the enormity of the situation in perspective via his Twitter account.



Yes, that's right: the death of a 20th Century sex symbol who was terminally ill and the death of a famous musician/alleged pedophile who was mentally ill is just as sad as the death of 3,000 people in the worst terrorist attack on American soil in history. This according to the same man who faked three tattoos on his face, said his relationship with his quarterback is like Brokeback Mountain, was denied a reservation at his quarterback's house per the urging of the quarterback's wife and who has had more than 85 billion guarantees and promises break to pieces.

Ochocinco is a perfect example why social networking sites like Twitter, Facebook and blogging in general are a dangerous commodity for public figures -- especially stupid ones. As pointed out at Yahoo's Shutdown Corner, sports organizations are likely to crack down on their idiot employees' online personal time through contractual means. I hope for Ochocinco's sake, he has wisely saved and/or invested his income to date. Otherwise he'll be broke if his next contract invokes some type of moron clause.

On the topic of Twitter analogies, I've concluded through very little research and even less time spent on the site that Twitter is comparable to a baseball game - and it has nothing to do with baseball. Explanation: during the mass hysteria of Michael Jackson's rush to the hospital and subsequent death, a rumor of Harrison Ford's death started on Twitter.



For one voracious Twitter user, the Harrison Ford death hoax -- which gained enough steam on the Internets to be reported by news outlets -- had to be equal to or greater than the rush generated by a baseball fan who starts up a clap-session or cheer at a stadium that leads to 40,000 plus cheering in unison.

For that Twitter user, he or she can playfully boast, "I started that! I started it! YEA! HIGH FIVE! FIST PUMP!"

And just like at the baseball game, that person is a loser.

The preceding Twitter rant was written by Patrick Imig. He can be reached by email at patrick@joesportsfan.com. He won't Tweet about your email, either. He promises.